The mixed duality of content seems contrived and purposed. Miserable bliss, is a bit used, and you can't ascend any where but up,
redundant. Try keeping all your tenses the same, if he's searching and dying he should be fading and atrophying, just suggestions.
Alas, we come to cadence, iambic cadence, poetry can be very dark, we(artists) like dark, but the heart is rythymic,
the brain isn't always as rythym bound. It's learned. keep writing. Have you ever read any Vogon poetry? Check it out.
