Quote:
Originally Posted by darkcornerinthecloset
i agree that the line breaks should be for emphasis, but those are the lines i want to emphasize. do you think different lines would be better?
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Ironic how I hide who I am and yet
broadcast it to the world
Is it not obvious if you open up your eyes
and minds?
Syllables: line 1 (11), line 2 (6), line 3 (13), line 4 (2)
There's no rythm in this.
Try writing a sentence and breaking it where there should be emphasis at the same time as using a little rythm.
I.e- (some song my girlfriend showed me) "If this is the life, why does it feel so good to die today?"
If this is the life
Why does it feel so
Good to die today?
Each line has five syllables and the line breaks are when a new thought is... actually that's not such a great example, but you get the picture.
Also it might help to look up synonyms, so you can shorten or lengthen lines to give a stanza an overall feeling. Doing stuff like this will make creating a poem more challenging, and will take longer, but it helps improve abilites if you keep on trying over and over. Practice makes perfect.