Dark,
You have to realize that poetry needs to have some kind of rhythm.
If you break it up by going to another line after only typing two words, you need to make sure those words have enough syllables to carry the line.
Each line needs to carry into the next one so that there aren't any unnatural pauses.
For instance, you wrote:
Not for that city of the level sun,
Its golden streets
It feels better if you would have done this:
Not for that city of the level sun,
And its golden streets
By adding "and" or by adding any one syllable word, you give that line a sense of rhythm.
You can get a sense of the rhythm by counting the words and just saying one thing:
da da da da da da da
da da da da da (and here is the needed pause)
It doesn't sound right if it's:
da da da da da da da
da da da
I'm using that as an example but there are more syllables in the first line than the "da"s represent. But the way you say the two syllable words fall off the tongue quick enough to keep the word as a single unit.
I hope you understand what I'm talking about.
P.S.
I'm not British.
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