Music Banter - View Single Post - Firm Proof That Tom Waits Is the Coolest Dude Ever

lucifer_sam · 03-28-2009, 02:49 PM

Q: Most interesting recording you own?
A: It’s a mysteriously beautiful recording from, I am told, Robbie Robertson’s label. It’s of crickets. That’s right, crickets. The first time I heard it… I swore I was listening to the Vienna Boys Choir, or the Mormon Tabernacle choir. It has a four-part harmony. It is a swaying choral panorama. Then a voice comes in on the tape and says, “What you are listening to is the sound of crickets. The only thing that has been manipulated is that they slowed down the tape.” No effects have been added of any kind, except that they changed the speed of the tape. The sound is so haunting. I played it for Charlie Musselwhite, and he looked at me as if I pulled a Leprechaun out of my pocket.

Q: You are fascinated with irony. What is irony?
A: Chevrolet was puzzled when they discovered that their sales for the Chevy Nova were off the charts everywhere but in Latin America. They finally realized that “Nova” in Spanish translates to “no go.” Not the best name for a car… anywhere “no va.”

Q: Do you have words to live by?
A: Jim Jarmusch once told me, “Fast, Cheap, and Good… pick two. If it’s fast and cheap, it won’t be good. If it’s cheap and good, it won’t be fast. If it’s fast and good, it won’t be cheap.” Fast, cheap and good… pick (2) words to live by.

Q: What is on Hemingway’s gravestone?
A: “Pardon me for not getting up.”

Q: How would you compare guitarists Marc Ribot and Smokey Hormel?
A: Octopus have eight and squid have ten tentacles, each with hundreds of suction cups and each with the power to burst a man’s artery. They have small birdlike beaks used to inject venom into a victim. Some gigantic squid and octopus with 100-foot tentacles have been reported. Squids have been known to pull down entire boats to feed on the disoriented sailors in the water. Many believe unexplained, sunken deep-sea vessels and entire boat disappearances are the handiwork of giant squid.

Q: What have you learned from parenthood?
A: “Never loan your car to anyone to whom you’ve given birth.” - Erma Bombeck

Q: Now Tom, for the grand prize… who said, “He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of”?
A: Mae West

Q: Who said, “Half the people in America are just faking it”?
A: Robert Mitchum (who actually died in his sleep). I think he was being generous and kind when he said that.

Q What remarkable things have you found in unexpected places?
A:
1. Real beauty: oil stains left by cars in a parking lot.
2. Shoeshine stand that looked like thrones in Brazil made of scrap wood.
3. False teeth in pawnshop windows in Reno, Nevada.
4. Great acoustics: in jail.
5. Best food: Airport in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
6. Most gift shops: Fatima, Portugal.
8. Most unlikely location for a Chicano crowd: A Morrissey concert.
9. Most poverty: Washington, D.C.
10 A homeless man with a beautiful operatic voice singing the word “Bacteria” in an empty dumpster in Chinatown.
11. A Chinese man with a Texas accent in Scotland.
12. Best nights sleep: in a dry riverbed in Arizona.
13. Most people who wear red pants: St. Louis.
14. Most beautiful horses: New York City.
15. A judge in Baltimore, Maryland, in 1890 presided over a trial where a man who was accused of murder and was guilty — convicted by a jury of his peers — was let go, when the judge said to him at the end of the trial, “You are guilty, sir… but I cannot put in jail an innocent man.” You see, the murderer was a Siamese twin.
16. Largest penis (in proportion to its body): The Barnacle

Q: Tom, you love words and their origins. For $2,000, what is the origin of the word bedlam?
A: It’s a contraction of the word Bethlehem. It comes from the hospital of Saint Mary of Bethlehem outside London. The hospital began admitting mental patients in the late 14th century. In the 16th century, it became a lunatic asylum. The word bedlam came to be used for any madhouse — and, by extension, for any scene of noisy confusion.

Q: What is up with your ears?
A: I have an audio stigmatism whereby I hear things wrong — I have audio illusions. I guess now they say ADD. I have a scrambler in my brain and it takes what is said and turns it into Pig Latin and feeds it back to me.

Q: Most thrilling musical experience?
A: My most thrilling musical experience was in Times Square, over thirty years ago. There was a rehearsal hall around the Brill Building where all the rooms were divided into tiny spaces with just enough room to open the door. Inside was a spinet piano — cigarette burns, missing keys, old paint and no pedals. You go in and close the door and it’s so loud from other rehearsals you can’t really work, so you stop and listen. The goulash of music was thrilling. Scales on a clarinet, tango, light opera, sour string quartet, voice lessons, someone belting out “Everything’s Coming Up Roses,” garage bands, and piano lessons. The floor was pulsing, the walls were thin. As if ten radios were on at the same time, in the same room. It was a train station of music with all the sounds milling around… for me it was heavenly.

Q: What would you have liked to see but were born too late for?
A: Vaudeville. So much mashing of cultures and bizarre hybrids. Delta Blues guitarists and Hawaiian artists thrown together, resulting in the adoption of the slide guitar as a language we all take for granted as African-American. But it was a cross pollination, like most culture. Like all cultures. George Burns was a Vaudeville performer I particularly loved. Dry and unflappable, curious, and funny — no matter what he said. He could dance, too. He said, “Too bad the only people that know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.”

Q: What is a gentleman?
A: A man who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.

Q: Favorite Bucky Fuller quote?
A: “Fire is the sun unwinding itself from the wood.”

Q: What do you wonder about?
A:
1. Do bullets know whom they are intended for?
2. Is there a plug in the bottom of the ocean?
3. What do jockeys say to their horses?
4. How does a newspaper feel about winding up papier-mache?
5. How does it feel to be a tree by a freeway?
6. Sometimes a violin sounds like a Siamese cat; the first violin strings were made from cat gut. Any connection?
7. When is the world going to rear up and scrape us off its back?
8. Will we humans eventually intermarry with robots?
9. Is a diamond just a piece of coal with patience?
10. Did Ella Fitzgerald really break that wine glass with her voice?

03-28-2009, 02:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
lucifer_sam Unrepentant Ass-Mod Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 3,921	Q: Most interesting recording you own? A: It’s a mysteriously beautiful recording from, I am told, Robbie Robertson’s label. It’s of crickets. That’s right, crickets. The first time I heard it… I swore I was listening to the Vienna Boys Choir, or the Mormon Tabernacle choir. It has a four-part harmony. It is a swaying choral panorama. Then a voice comes in on the tape and says, “What you are listening to is the sound of crickets. The only thing that has been manipulated is that they slowed down the tape.” No effects have been added of any kind, except that they changed the speed of the tape. The sound is so haunting. I played it for Charlie Musselwhite, and he looked at me as if I pulled a Leprechaun out of my pocket. Q: You are fascinated with irony. What is irony? A: Chevrolet was puzzled when they discovered that their sales for the Chevy Nova were off the charts everywhere but in Latin America. They finally realized that “Nova” in Spanish translates to “no go.” Not the best name for a car… anywhere “no va.” Q: Do you have words to live by? A: Jim Jarmusch once told me, “Fast, Cheap, and Good… pick two. If it’s fast and cheap, it won’t be good. If it’s cheap and good, it won’t be fast. If it’s fast and good, it won’t be cheap.” Fast, cheap and good… pick (2) words to live by. Q: What is on Hemingway’s gravestone? A: “Pardon me for not getting up.” Q: How would you compare guitarists Marc Ribot and Smokey Hormel? A: Octopus have eight and squid have ten tentacles, each with hundreds of suction cups and each with the power to burst a man’s artery. They have small birdlike beaks used to inject venom into a victim. Some gigantic squid and octopus with 100-foot tentacles have been reported. Squids have been known to pull down entire boats to feed on the disoriented sailors in the water. Many believe unexplained, sunken deep-sea vessels and entire boat disappearances are the handiwork of giant squid. Q: What have you learned from parenthood? A: “Never loan your car to anyone to whom you’ve given birth.” - Erma Bombeck Q: Now Tom, for the grand prize… who said, “He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of”? A: Mae West Q: Who said, “Half the people in America are just faking it”? A: Robert Mitchum (who actually died in his sleep). I think he was being generous and kind when he said that. Q What remarkable things have you found in unexpected places? A: 1. Real beauty: oil stains left by cars in a parking lot. 2. Shoeshine stand that looked like thrones in Brazil made of scrap wood. 3. False teeth in pawnshop windows in Reno, Nevada. 4. Great acoustics: in jail. 5. Best food: Airport in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 6. Most gift shops: Fatima, Portugal. 8. Most unlikely location for a Chicano crowd: A Morrissey concert. 9. Most poverty: Washington, D.C. 10 A homeless man with a beautiful operatic voice singing the word “Bacteria” in an empty dumpster in Chinatown. 11. A Chinese man with a Texas accent in Scotland. 12. Best nights sleep: in a dry riverbed in Arizona. 13. Most people who wear red pants: St. Louis. 14. Most beautiful horses: New York City. 15. A judge in Baltimore, Maryland, in 1890 presided over a trial where a man who was accused of murder and was guilty — convicted by a jury of his peers — was let go, when the judge said to him at the end of the trial, “You are guilty, sir… but I cannot put in jail an innocent man.” You see, the murderer was a Siamese twin. 16. Largest penis (in proportion to its body): The Barnacle Q: Tom, you love words and their origins. For $2,000, what is the origin of the word bedlam? A: It’s a contraction of the word Bethlehem. It comes from the hospital of Saint Mary of Bethlehem outside London. The hospital began admitting mental patients in the late 14th century. In the 16th century, it became a lunatic asylum. The word bedlam came to be used for any madhouse — and, by extension, for any scene of noisy confusion. Q: What is up with your ears? A: I have an audio stigmatism whereby I hear things wrong — I have audio illusions. I guess now they say ADD. I have a scrambler in my brain and it takes what is said and turns it into Pig Latin and feeds it back to me. Q: Most thrilling musical experience? A: My most thrilling musical experience was in Times Square, over thirty years ago. There was a rehearsal hall around the Brill Building where all the rooms were divided into tiny spaces with just enough room to open the door. Inside was a spinet piano — cigarette burns, missing keys, old paint and no pedals. You go in and close the door and it’s so loud from other rehearsals you can’t really work, so you stop and listen. The goulash of music was thrilling. Scales on a clarinet, tango, light opera, sour string quartet, voice lessons, someone belting out “Everything’s Coming Up Roses,” garage bands, and piano lessons. The floor was pulsing, the walls were thin. As if ten radios were on at the same time, in the same room. It was a train station of music with all the sounds milling around… for me it was heavenly. Q: What would you have liked to see but were born too late for? A: Vaudeville. So much mashing of cultures and bizarre hybrids. Delta Blues guitarists and Hawaiian artists thrown together, resulting in the adoption of the slide guitar as a language we all take for granted as African-American. But it was a cross pollination, like most culture. Like all cultures. George Burns was a Vaudeville performer I particularly loved. Dry and unflappable, curious, and funny — no matter what he said. He could dance, too. He said, “Too bad the only people that know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.” Q: What is a gentleman? A: A man who can play the accordion, but doesn’t. Q: Favorite Bucky Fuller quote? A: “Fire is the sun unwinding itself from the wood.” Q: What do you wonder about? A: 1. Do bullets know whom they are intended for? 2. Is there a plug in the bottom of the ocean? 3. What do jockeys say to their horses? 4. How does a newspaper feel about winding up papier-mache? 5. How does it feel to be a tree by a freeway? 6. Sometimes a violin sounds like a Siamese cat; the first violin strings were made from cat gut. Any connection? 7. When is the world going to rear up and scrape us off its back? 8. Will we humans eventually intermarry with robots? 9. Is a diamond just a piece of coal with patience? 10. Did Ella Fitzgerald really break that wine glass with her voice? __________________ first.am Last edited by lucifer_sam; 03-28-2009 at 02:55 PM.