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Old 08-01-2009, 08:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
jackhammer
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: This Is England
Posts: 17,299
Default Ramblings.

I am not a songwriter or a poet. I am just a normal guy trying to get on in the world but I do write down some thoughts of mine from time to time. I profer these to you not neccessarily for judgement. Moreso an online database to keep my thoughts in one place.

You know when you are young and the world seems infinitely bright with possibities? You don’t really take any notice of the future and the ramifications that your current actions may have. You are invincible both physically and mentally un-****ing-touchable. Infallible . Of course with hindsight, it is easy to admit this folly but at that time you are unwavering in your choices that you have made. Strange how that when your mind becomes ever stronger, your body becomes ever weaker. The error of your ways is easily spotted. Almost lazily spotted yet that makes it even less palatable.

All choices are made with the very best intentions but even then they are clouded by unseen forces: Societal doctrine. Moral obligations and civil acceptance. On closer inspection maybe everyone else is wrong and I am maybe right in my hesitancy? I should have listened to my own heart even if I may have hurt people. Better at this stage than at a much more advanced stage..

Now I find myself drawn to the very thing that I was searching for in the first place, yet I settled for a much more diluted version of it to appease others and social etiquette. Falling in love is a twisted and crooked path. You know exactly why you have fallen in love and your passion and ardour is spiked with genuine love and want. However because of your earlier folly the path is spiked with thorns. Completely unfair of course but a part of life’s rich tapestry that revels in throwing guilt at the door of the hardiest and most deserving of those that feel they deserve it.

Guilt is a horrible, horrible word that wears down on the heart like a cloak of the heaviest substance that somehow permeates it’s vast black space all over oneself. Why am I subjecting myself to this inner torment when I have found what I am looking for? Do we as a species secretly implore misery to be a friend? To experience highs we long for the lows?
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