Wow, I'm impressed far beyond what I normally read here. Your use of diverse and unusual rhyme schemes show signs of confidence in straying from the norm, and your alliteration is subtle but makes the lines roll of the tongue.
The metaphors, especially in your song "Nectar", are creative, and most importantly, well established. You continue adding detail to a metaphor instead of leaving it hanging, which is an aspect I admire and aspire to in my own songwriting.
Lastly, you choose words that are powerful and your adjectives don't conflict with one another.
The only criticism I have is with this verse:
Power in my hands, traded for a substance
Satisfy the man,
Once your in, there's no chance
Fueled by desire to love and to hate
Shackled by a fire,
Accepted our fates
Its a nice break, but I feel like it's to vague. I don't feel like it belongs, or is personal and unique to this song. Work with it a little bit, try to choke as much emotion out of it as possible... it feels monotone compared to your other voices.
|