First off, if you're gunna ask people for their opinion be open to what they have to say and don't defend your point of view. That only defeats the purpose of you asking for advice.
If you really want helpful advice on your lyrics I can tell you they're not deep enough. these are words ANYONE could write. And no. It's not what the industry is looking for. What you want to do is try to present a situation in a way that is new and fresh to your audience.
You have the format (of verse, chorus and so forth) down, So how about trying some alliteration? maybe metaphors? Try to paint a picture in people's heads of how you feel and make them feel the same. You say you're into Acting? make it Dramatic.
And if you want to make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music, make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music. In that sense lyrics have little to do with the song. In a show words or lyrical content is only 15% of what your audience pays attention to.
I think It's kindda cool that you're an army guy with taste for music. keep at it and see what you can come up with!
Best of luck!!