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Originally Posted by VeggieLover
yes, you got the meaning behind the song. "rats and cats" are also common lab animals... I kind of meant for the song to make us think about the things we do everyday. Like a rat in a maze or a cat chasing said rat, its a kind of instinctual "blindness" that we humans are supposedly above. Are we really living and making our own decisions? or are we just doing the steps of a dance, hynotized into doing what the people around us are doing? The theme was taken from my feelings as I am reading 1984 currently and these kind of issues are brought up a lot. Actually vegangelica, the style of this song would be similar to that of Wring that you wrote, though very different, I was going for a similiar creepiness.
I like your rework of my chorus. In my original, the "where is it leading, what goal are we seeing?" line was kind of a bridge and not part of the chorus, but does it make more sense to include it in the chorus??
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Hi, VeggieLover,
Ah, so that was the bridge! I hadn't been sure, but I decided I liked a longer chorus so included your bridge as part of it. I was reading through your song with the beat in my head and then probably just tried to make the length of the chorus close to that of the verses.
I think many people prefer to make the chorus very distinct from the verses, so maybe they'd like a shorter chorus. As you know, I like long songs...much longer than most people, I think...so it is probably better to stick with your own gut feeling!
I was reading online about pop song structure and the opinion at that particular website was that the chorus should be very short (2 lines only), should include in it a "hook"--some memorable, short phrase and hummable tune that people will remember--and the chorus should include the "hook" more than once. I thought it was interesting to learn more about this "rule" so that one can decide if/when one wants to break it (and know the "rule" one is breaking). In your song Grand Jete stands out most in my mind, especially since I've done quite a bit of folk dancing!
I have two questions about your final verse:
Quote:
A smile a grin we're at it again
Twirling in line with our hearts made of tin
Scratching, clawing, our shallow lining
Poke through the sheet to the realm of sin
Oh tear through the sheet to the world of sin.
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The metaphor during most of the song is that of life as a dance we're forcing ourselves, or are forced, to participate in without questioning it. Then in this end verse you use two more metaphors, hearts made of tin, and the sheet, symbolizing whatever keeps us from seeing true reality. In one of your previous poems the images/metaphors related more to each other (thorns, needles, etc.). Do you want the metaphors in the Dance song to relate more to each other or do you prefer them as they are?
Final question (out of curiosity), what were you envisioning as the realm of sin? I thought this was an interesting phrase because #1 it raises the question of whether there is sin and what it is, and #2 whether the dance in which people blindly participate is actually what is sinful (if one believes in sin).
--Erica