Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
For the record, my dad was far more qualified than my mom to be the one spanking us. My mom was abused. Dad never let her spank us.
I guess he didn't fit that stereotype you're talking about. He was smart enough not to Neanderthal his way into a parental option. Just because a guy may have larger muscles than a woman, it doesn't mean he's subject to them instead of his brain.
And we didn't get spanked past 10 years old. 11 through 18 was grounding territory. Funnily enough, we never had to get grounded because we were well behaved by that point. Weird huh?
|
FD, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Yes, it is true that men can be very gentle regardless of strength (and, conversely, women can be physically abusive).
Why did your dad switch from physical punishment to groundings (that never needed to occur) when you and siblings were 11? Do you really feel it was the spankings that taught you (why) to behave?
An aside: I got grounded once when I was 10. I had stolen $10 from my mom and went with my best friend to buy Charlie's Angels dolls and blueberry slushies at Target. My mom told me I had me stay in my room all that afternoon and evening. She sprinkled flour on the landing to see if I tried to escape while she was out. She forgot I was an excellent standing long-jumper as a child (of which I am proud to this day). The story of my escape goes on, but the important point is that I didn't steal anything after that, and when I learned how much time it takes to make money I didn't want to take my mom's. For me what was important in learning kind social behavior as a child was developing more empathy and sympathy.
Learning more about your family reminds me of something I read on that website I mentioned (The Center for Effective Discipline), which I quote below:
Quote:
From the Center for Effective Discipline:
"Teaching children right and wrong, intervening when they do wrong, praising good behavior, and establishing expectations for good behavior help children to become respectful, caring, and responsible adults." Even parents who punish their children physically do those things without using physical punishment. "You will never know if you and your siblings could have turned out even better if you’d been raised in a firm, loving home without any spanking. The research on spanking clearly shows that spanking is a risk factor for a number of negative outcomes."
|