Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
^ As for the CFED quote, that highlighted part and the following sentence is clearly biased.
If you can never know that you could have turned out better without spankings, then what about the inverse? Is that known? No, Neither is. A parent should do the best they can and do what works. The statistical spanking vs. punishing argument is completely irrelevant. The force behind how a kid turns out lies solely on the parent's shoulders and their ability to know what's best for their children, and applying that knowledge with love and wisdom.
The more you start relying on society to tell you how to raise your child, the less you're going to be satisfied with how your child turns out. The only thing statistics can prove is that there are a lot of inadequate parents out there and I'm glad I didn't get stuck with any of them.
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FD, I agree that when firm, loving parents use spanking (in addition to the majority of their parenting practices that were non-physical), then, like you say, it is *possible* that children might turn out "better" (however the children define that when they grow up) than they would have if they hadn't ever been spanked. Also, like you say, this can never be known for a given child since each child only has her/his one life path.
However, when I read the statistics that point to a correlation between spanking and future behavioral or emotional issues when children grow up, then this does make me concerned that spanking increases the risks of children developing these issues. I would err on the side of caution, especially since I have never seen any evidence that spanking makes children happier or more well-adjusted than people who were never spanked.
You wrote that "the statistical spanking vs. punishing argument is completely irrelevant." I see the value of statistics on spanking because statistical results can serve as a rough predictor of what may result if you spank your own child. I do agree with you that people should not blindly follow what society says, and people should think through things carefully. I feel that gaining insight from scientific studies of large numbers of humans is not blindness but instead a good way to benefit from many other people's experiences beyond one's own.
I agree with you that parents' decisions should focus on what is best for the child and who that child will become rather than on what is best or easiest for the parents. Raising children with love, like your parents did with you and your siblings, is what is most important.
What, outside of personal experience, *would* dissuade you from spanking your own children?
(Personal note: just to make sure you know, I realize that families that don't use spanking aren't automatically healthier or happier than those that use spanking. For example, although my dad spanked me just that one time, my parents were very busy with work responsibilities and so sometimes we had little quality time together. I would have liked more time to just relax and do more things with them when I was a child, and we try to make up for that now that they are older and retired.)
--Erica