You know this is really hard to judge without a beat or any idea of your lyrical meter and cadence.Do the next person a favor and type it out in stanzas so it's easier to follow and conceptualize. If your flow is good it could sound decent, but I have to say that the lyrical content is just awful, even for quasi-ganster rap, which seems to be what you are going for. Really contrived and cliche.There's not a single element of this that isn't a remnant of a worn out phrase or cliche that some other emcee has coined and thousands others after have bitten. Imagining the probable rhyme scheme and beat that would accompany it, it just sounds "stiff". It comes off as being written by a teenage boy fantasizes in his journal about what he would do to the bully kids that tease him in school if he had the chance.
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