Interesting... I wouldn't mind reading more.
Quote:
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Joey smiled his beautiful smile and hopped out of the car towards the beast of a jet. He looked back as he approached the monstrosity of a jet and stared for a moment at his humble transportation to the lair of this beast.
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A small thing here: you use the term 'of a jet' twice, and the word 'beast' twice. Just change it around a little, and it'll flow better.
And some explination of why a ten year old is captain of a bomb squad would be nice haha. I'm guessing it has something to do with him being not exactly 'natural'?
Edit: and maybe smooth this part out a little more:
Quote:
BANG!! he heard. Then he opened his eyes. The light was turning yellow. He’d been here for a minute, maybe two. It’s not good to sit still in this car, with his cargo.
Donnie looked around nervously. Nothing was wrong. Everything was as it should be. He looked in the backseat to see Joey laughing hysterically. Donnie hadn’t heard it till he looked back, so apparently his hearing went out too. He wasn’t a wreck; he was a train collision.
“And what is so god damned funny?!” Donnie demanded. His teeth were so clenched they could have broken or cracked under the pressure (following suit of the owner). Joey couldn’t answer through his laughter. Donnie grits his teeth roughly and turns back around. The light has turned yellow again. He runs right through it. From the backseat, he hears:
“I scared the **** out of you, didn’t I?” Joey asked, still chuckling. Donnie slammed on the brakes. Joey shut up. Donnie turned around with a grin resemblant to that of the Cheshire Cat.
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I think Donnie knew why Joey was laughing, as it was obvious. Maybe instead: 'You think that was funny?"
And why was Donnie sitting at the light so damn long? The line I put in bold seemed unecessary in the 'spur of the moment' you got built up. Maybe instead of 'The light has turned yellow again' something like 'by that time, several minutes have passed, and the light had turned yellow again.'
It may just be me, but I think it would read better like that, or something similar.