Oh man, idk how much detail to go into here....
When i was 9 my dad died, and i grieved, but not fully, i kinda kept pushing the pain away...i was used to being the happy teachers pet crazy girl and i wasn't going to change that. Unfourtunately, by the age of twelve that wasn't working anymore. I basically started on the long road to depression on that point, but it didn't show itself really until my freshman year.
At that point I basically thought about my self all the time. Everything about me was wrong, my friends weren't good enough, my family life sucked, me me me. The main issue was the incongruity between how i thought people saw me and how i felt i really was. What basically happened was a personality split: light versus dark. I ended up cutting, sneaking out, got into drinking, drugs, and sexual expression. Ditched all my friends for druggies, got sent to therapy.... just overall not good. Since all i ever did was think I had made it my goal to stop all the incessent thoughts by getting high...and let me tell you it worked quite well. I said adios to a lot of my brain cells that summer.
Anyway, since then I've come to terms with my light and dark sides and...though i hate to say it...i actually think that all of my potentially lethal experiences combined with insanely good luck helped. Now that i know what it feels like to not think constantly, i get to enjoy the quiet. I know how to express my emotions without going to extremes. I still have a LONG way to go, but at least im not in a cesspool anymore.
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
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