Cruising Pitchfork, a music reviewing site, recently, I couldn't help but notice that they praised Bright Eyes with all of their elitist hipster strength. Let's get this straight: Bright Eyes is not good and will never be good. Mr. Oberst's guitar playing is some of the least inspired, pathetic, nonsense I have ever heard. And the lyrics? Look at this ****.
I knew a lovely girl, with such pretty pride, and every man wanted her, and so did I.
So did I. But she up and died in a fit of vanity.
Now men with purple hearts, carry silver guns. And they will kill a man
for what his father has done. But what my father did, you know it don't mean ****.
I'm not him.
Oh my, how deep. That's really ****ing artistic. Now, if I could be mightily un-hip for moment, Bright Eyes relies on reviews to cement their position as another hipster band...i.e., music you know you're supposed to like before you even hear it. Test it sometime. The next time you're at a party, casually mention that you've just purchased a Bright Eyes CD and watch the nods of agreement begin, followed by bland but agreeable comments like, "Man, Oberst is a genius" or "Man I really connect with Bright Eyes." Then tell them the truth...that you think it sounds like a loop tape of a high school band doodling with their instruments for what seems like an ear-ringing eternity; at times even sitting the guitar too close to the amp and leaving for lunch...and watch them shift around trying to decide if they want to admit that you're absolutely right.
Don't award people for putting out noise laced with intermittent vocals and coherency ...you'll just encourage it. I recommend buying a Bright Eyes t-shirt in lieu of the cd. It'll cost about the same, you'll be far more readily identifiable as a cool person, and you'll spare yourself the conflicting emotions of wanting to like something you don't.
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