how often do you practise in front of an audience? i think you need to get out there and play a few short sets. there's probably heaps of open mic night near where you live.
i agree with awwsugars comments and i have something to add to them - it's opinion so take it or leave it - but that song really lacked dynamic. my biggest pet peeve is seeing someone play a song, or listen to a song that sounds the same all the way through. sometimes the writer will do it on purpose and it works, but with that song it didn't.
now i'm not saying you should go ape**** and change the time signature or anything, just work on how you play and sing; pause the tiniest bit at arbitrary moments, whisper words, etc. pull at people's heartstrings. it'll make them want to listen attentively.
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