Music Banter - View Single Post - This Poem Is Probably Going To Go Over Your Head..

iron9567 · 12-14-2009, 02:51 PM

My friend is a fish
he lives in my room.
his fin is a cloud.
he sees me when I sleep

hmmmmm,
I was going to reply with what i can a courtesy reply to this. But after seeing some of the snide comments you have made to other people on here. You start off saying this poem will go over your head. How do you figure a four line stanza is suppose to go over peoples head. It can be done with only four lines. But you'll have to get a stronger set of metaphors then what you have. Why do you only have four lines also? Why not write more lines to this poems. You make it sound like you're trying to get all deep on us. I'll be honest and say this isn't even poetry and more like paint by numbers that got the colors mixed up. In other words i find this juvenile and you need to try to work on it more.
thanks
the iron man

12-14-2009, 02:51 PM	#34 (permalink)
iron9567 musicbanter peeping tom Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 74	My friend is a fish he lives in my room. his fin is a cloud. he sees me when I sleep hmmmmm, I was going to reply with what i can a courtesy reply to this. But after seeing some of the snide comments you have made to other people on here. You start off saying this poem will go over your head. How do you figure a four line stanza is suppose to go over peoples head. It can be done with only four lines. But you'll have to get a stronger set of metaphors then what you have. Why do you only have four lines also? Why not write more lines to this poems. You make it sound like you're trying to get all deep on us. I'll be honest and say this isn't even poetry and more like paint by numbers that got the colors mixed up. In other words i find this juvenile and you need to try to work on it more. thanks the iron man __________________ thanks The iron man I don't want to change the world. I just want to make the world colder then the day I came.