feedback on a poem?
Just wondering if anyone could give me some feedback on a poem I wrote recently:
My love streams in your direction like a river endlessly
The day is long without you—the sun shines brightly mocking me
The birds even they sing as they nest within their trees
I hear you through their gentle song; my mind just likes to tease.
The breeze across my face blows like your breath before we kiss
Leaving a keen reminder of all there is in you to miss
All around me trees stand tall, their naked branches intertwined
Relentlessly invoke the image of your fingers clasped in mine
Why must this Woman torture me, what have I done to earn her scorn?
The calm beauty of the daytime merely masks a perfect storm
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