Let's call a spade, a spade, musicbanter. I'm always trying to sell tickets, put people in seats. however you might "win" here, I'm trying to do it. One thing I've realized is, reviewing single songs does not sell tickets, but today I can't help myself.
My girlfriend has been playing the new Alicia Keys albums non-stop and while its a very good album, I need my fix. I was an angry, angry 16 year old once and while he's not me any longer, he still wants his cut of furious viking music. That being said, flipping through a bunch of old mix CD's I stumbled upon one of the truely lost gems of the early 1990's.
Soundgarden's "Birth Ritual"...holy ****.
Do you know what would happen if Led Zeppelin had sex with cheesy power metal? This song would happen, and it would rise up to overthrow the anti-christ. Its that ****ing good. But lets not talk in words of abstract, lets carve this ****ing beast up.
First of all it sounds like the Racontours "blue veins" when it starts off, so this is a grade A track to mess with the cultural elite on. Nothings going to piss them off more than thinking this was a french named, reto-fit blues act, only to have the shirtless shrieks of Chris Cornell channeling Kiss come playing through the speakers with a riff that may or may not have inspired Machine Head's career.
Secondly, i defy you to accurately figure out the opening line of this song (without googling). Everyone I know swears he's says "I AM MAGNETO." Now obviously folks, he doesn't say "i am magneto" but lets be truthful withoutselves and lie. Whatever he's saying is never going to be as cool as "I AM MAGNETO" so quit being nerds and just listen to the god damn song.
Third and most importantly is the ferociously falsetto notes of the word "ritual." this comes in two pieces. For those unfamiliar with Soundgarden, they're one of the most interesting bands to come out in years and years. You might, depending on the song, mistake them for prog, metal, pop, folk, or avant-garde. They are none of the above because they are all of the above. The Alpha and Omega of the late 80's/ early 90's.
There are two "rituals" in this song. the first and most common which comes fairly rapid fire. Its a fairly evenly spaced "ri-tu-al" and when you first hear it, you think two things:
a. they haven't hit a note like that since "Slaves and Bulldozers. Awesome!"
and
b. Christ that was awesome, now someone help my find my eyebrows.
While these are correct, they are also a novice opinion because the longer held "ritual"
"riiii-tuuu-aaaaaal"
that comes later in the song will skull**** your kittens if you're not careful, so its best to remove them from the room.
long story short this song ought to come with a warning label. Since SG refused, their corporate overlords did the only thing they could with a song this earthshattering, they stuck it on the soundtrack for Singles from 1992. A pearl jam influenced movie that has long since fallen out of favor by the advent of Creed and Korn. While the corporate overlords were smart to bury for as long as they did, the time of the Soundgarden is about to come again, and leading the charge will be its rebirth ritual.
Lock up your women, children, riches, and sheep. The track has been played and the vikings are coming.