i'm suprised that this hasn't gotten any responses. shame MB, shame!
Ah well, i guess they are all prejudiced against poems that aren't really lyrics.
This poem, well, I got shivers while reading it. Mind you, it is freezing in my house, so that might have had something to do with it, but it might not have. This is a free-verse poem yes? but you have a form of sorts, the rythm of thought, if not of speech, and a consistancy of emotion not often seen on these pages.
Fantastic imagery, you merge abstract metaphorical imagery with reality almost perfectly, a particular weak spot of mine I must admit. Oh, goody! I'm bouncing up and down with excitement, i want to read more! If this is typical of your writing, then it's a damn good thing you got published my friend.
It took me a few times to get what was going on in the beginning of the poem, but it became clearer the more I re-read it. Love the sarcasm (the sarcasm that is incomplete i feel, the speaker has let himself start to believe the things he is saying), love the repetition of "I mean" and the "mind you" fits well. Honestly, I can't offer up any critisisms for this one. Maybe a few tweaks of diction in the first part to clarify, but it is appropriatly vague. very nice job. More please????
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
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