Music Banter - View Single Post - dark corners poem...criticism please?
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Old 01-04-2010, 09:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
Schizotypic
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Mojave
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It's a lot better then your older stuff. I have no idea what you mean by three or four legs, or what you meant by two left feet, which is not a criticism, I'm just curious. To me the poem gives a sort of feel of a rusting relationship, so if that's the mood you wanted to get across then it worked on me.

I would work on maybe the way the poem is written, as some punctuation or stanza separation seems like it would fit, and might add emotion. For right now that's all the constructive criticism I could give. It's not a stunningly amazing piece for me, but again light years ahead of your depressed teenage cliche shit machines.
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