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Old 01-17-2010, 12:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
VeggieLover
Music?! Lets boogie!
 
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
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You are a writer after my own heart..... well not exactly, but you write in the style that I find enthralling. If you want to refine any of these, make sure to keep the chaotic stream of conciousness feel, but also try to make some of the wandering a bit more consice. Especially the piece about "you" is hard for people to read simply because there is so much fantasticness in there. By making only the very important things powerful, the piece itself becomes not only more powerful, but more likely to reach more people.
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