Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA

Dear AwwSugar,

I knew from what you wrote about a song earlier in your journal that abandonment hits you hard. I had wondered what triggered this sensitivity in you. Now I know you have experienced being left. It sounds like you haven't been able to depend on some people you had yearned to have stay in your life.

Yes, I can relate to the song and the anguish of these boys who grew to be men and still feel abandoned. They still wrestle with the feeling that they are worthless because the person (parent), who should have been the most important and comforting person in their lives, was not there for them. You can hear the heartbreak in the vocals, which are nearly screamed, almost ironic, since it is obvious they are not really fine. The song reminds me of a Tracy Bonham song about "Mother, Mother."

Your version of "The Day I Left The Womb" is definitely sweeter than the original. It is hard to sing with a throat tight due to being near to tears...or when you can't sing out. I'd like to hear your full out version when you are in a practice room and not in your dorm. When I sing and start to cry, my throat clenches up and I can barely get a sound out.

I am wondering now: are you feeling lonely? Is this one reason you like music, because it fills an emotional void? You always seem so stable and secure. (You don't have to answer here! I'm just wondering out "loud.")

About abandonment: I used to feel the bereft feeling as a physical pain. Part of the palm of my left hand ached when the feeling came over me. I thought it was interesting that emotion caused a physical pain in my body...as if the emotional anguish stabbed me in my left hand, in the part of the palm that is furthest from both fingers and thumb. I would rub this aching corner of my palm, trying to make the pain go away, but of course since it was a pain caused by emotion, my emotions and not my hand were what needed healing and care. I've always wondered if anyone else feels or has felt emotion as a physical pain.

To feel left and unvalued by those you love is an awful feeling.

Originally Posted by Sansa Stark

I'm down with Jesus, in that case.