Quote:
Originally Posted by Paloma
Sorry I don't have much constructive criticism to give, you'd think I would. But your wording is good, and your flow is even, which is good
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Thank you. What exactly makes my flow even... not having one random line with 20 syllables?
Quote:
Originally Posted by t3hplatyz0rz
First off, this is pretty good. It's got some meaning.
There is one technical problem with it, but it's nothing serious.
The line is somewhat weird because diamonds are jewels.
And, I didn't get the last two lines.
I just don't get what it means. What it's referring to.
But it's not the end of the world if some guy can't get the last two lines of your poem the first time they're read.
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I'm not sure I know what the last two lines (or the whole thing really) mean either, but for some reason I just like the imagery it brings me. Hm.
I also noticed the redundancy of the "diamond" line but it didn't bother me that much to change it. Thanks for the input
