Most of this still seems to be phylosophical, I was wondering if it is linked to particular disorders...
Some times I am convinced tha I do not exist
that 'I' doesn't exist, and so nither does a physical reality.
Or if it does it doesn't matter as I is not connected to it. I feel quite apathetic alot of the time, I think, but then I am sometimes unsure of what has or hasn't passed, once the presant has gone it is gone and there is no way of arriving at the future, so all that could exist is now, and now becomes past too quickly.
Feelings of dissasosiation...delocation, something, I don't know how to them handle them sometimes, then sometimes I have no will to. Thinking about cesing to exist or not existing in the first place or wanting to escape but there being nothing to escape from, it can be scary or lonely but mostly not, just kind of desolate? not knowing if there is anything i actualy feel and sometimes not feeling anything. I have hurt myself before, trying to make a pathway connection to the world.
But this is all too contradictory as I go places and I meet people and I forgete and feel, laughter, the uncontrollable kind is a big thing and bordom is definatly bad, though not always avoidable as I don't nessiserily enjoy the things I should enjoy.
And thoughts that link to this whole thing I guess, about humanity as a whole, sometimes I can't see why humanity wants to exist, everything we do can be basicaly put down to the servival of the speces, other wise there would be no morrality in our 'enjoyment of life' no one would seek to do anything which they do not enjoy, which did not directly benifit themselves. Existance to create existance, which seems quite futile to me.
(Some of the time)
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