Hi james44754,
I enjoyed the overall idea of your song, which is about the definitions of words and how they relate to the concepts, yet I recommend avoiding opening with the subject of suicide, since this makes the song sound like a "teen angst" song, when it is more than that.
Also, since I've always felt suicide *is* when you kill yourself, the first line doesn't make sense to me: who is trying to get me to believe that a hanging that is not done by the person herself is suicide?
I feel that the ideas in the stanzas aren't necessarily parallels of each other, so I get confused: it sounds like you are pulling together many examples where verbal labels given to situations don't match, or skew the view of, those situations, but some of these examples seem to fit better together than others.
For example, your chorus mentions "you can't stay quiet or its 'awkward tension'" and the fact that condom is a type of contraception...these examples seem very different than suicide, murder/manslaughter, and entering the next life (if there is a next life). I recommend narrowing your focus somewhat so that your examples of your main concept seem more related!
The final line, "Nothing's simple anymore," is your summary line for the piece...though perhaps actually things *are* simple but the way you describe them makes them sound complex?
Just some thoughts! I hope they help.
~ Erica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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