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Old 04-02-2010, 11:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
lucifer_sam
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
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Try this instead, changes made in bold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber View Post
Sunlight is stolen to preserve
the golden beauty of your hair
To adorn your pale green eyes with
leaves cede their color there
The Morning Glories bloom in Spring
and give the lilac to your dress.
But the bitter, forlorn ocean
brings naught but loneliness.
If you get caught up again, try saying it in iambs until it makes sense. Meter matters very little, cadence is everything.
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