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Old 04-20-2010, 06:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
someonecompletelyrandom
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mr dave View Post
you have one he too many in this sentence.

like the others said. too many. short sentences. otherwise. fine. reads like a telegram. stop.
Yeah. I noticed that. A few minutes ago. Just a typo.

Also. are you reffering to Version 1 or 2? Because I removed a lot of the stop and go sentences in 2.
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