Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
But in all seriousness, I have a bit of an anxiety disorder, but it's not overbearing. When I get used to situations, it's totally non-existent... but in new situations I'm not accustomed to or place importance on, especially where there are large groups of people involved, I'm overly anxious to the point of showing it physically.
I never noticed it until I had joined the military, so I'm not sure if that had something to do with it, but it's one of those things I worry about now because simple things like job interviews feel like they're going to be insurmountable because I want to be as relaxed as possible, which is when I'm my clearest and most articulate.
I think the more I worry about it, the worse the anxiety becomes... like a feedback loop... making things worse.
I don't want to go on meds, and I don't think I need them because I'm not debilitated in any way apart from just being self-critical in particular circumstances due to the anxiety, and I don't want the negative side effects of those types of drugs, but I don't really have any other options than to overcome the irrational fear which is A LOT harder than it sounds.
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I'm sorry to hear that Freebase
I did a lot of research on anxiety in one of my psych essays during my undergrad and I really felt for the people who I interviewed, it seemed very frustrating for them. Totally understand what you mean about the meds thing too... I've been on a plethora of medications for mentally stimulated problems and they all have absolutely horrid side-effects. I hate being on meds.
As for disorders... as a late teenager I started becoming very impulsive, aggressive, and physically self destructive. My family thought I was just going through a moody teenager stage or battling mild depression or something but when I was 20 I was told by a mental health professional that I had Borderline Personality Disorder. To this day I still don't know if I believe the diagnosis, but it's characterised by psychological splitting, chaotic interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, bouts of anger/rage or other extreme feelings, impulsive behaviour, and self-harm - all of which I do. In most people the condition is provoked by an extreme trauma which occurs in childhood or teenagehood, and yeah when I was 17 something pretty extreme and traumatic happened to me so I guess that would explain it.
Like I said... not sure if I believe the 'diagnosis' because I feel like health professionals try to assign everybody to some kind of disorder these days just to explain stuff. But there you go, there's some depressingly morbid information for your Saturday morning, stuff that I never tell anybody, ever! Ha.