Scarlett O'Hara

I am recovering from depression, which has perhaps been passed down by my grandfather, mother, father and aunt who have all had it. I grew up with a highly emotional mother which made it near impossible for me to avoid picking up depressive tendencies at some point. Up until I was 18 I prided myself on being happy and bubbly, and then in my 20's it all changed. I've always been a deep thinker which I often express through writing, however it got to a point where I could no longer handle emotions, and certain events triggered off severe responses which I tried to block out. I used medication as a way to numb my situation but it had only made it worse.

Last year I was put on anti-depressants and it took 6 months before I felt somewhat normal again. These days I feel a lot happier, I can get out of bed, look after myself, eat properly (I got down to 45kg last year through illness) and am generally pretty happy. It's the can-do attitude of people around me that saved me. I am strong, I'm a fighter and I do my absolute best to express my feelings on paper to expel negative thoughts. I hope very soon to be able to no longer rely on medication and anti-depressants.

It took me this long to realise that I was also a highly anxious person. I used to worry as a child about getting stains on my school uniform because my mother would get so angry if I did. I worry about too much, but I am getting better at staying calm and just sorting out situations by doing rather than over-thinking.

Sometimes I wonder if I am 'crazy', like maybe I have a mental illness that I don't know of. I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies but only at certain points of my life, not all the time thank goodness. It's nice to share this with you guys, even if it leaves you thinking I'm a nut.

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