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Old 06-28-2010, 09:27 PM   #20 (permalink)
primo
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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I just wrote one verse for a song.. What do you make of it?

Quote:
My soul’s gateways are shut closed
Easier for the prying to control my hopes
Swerving the line I walk - a mess of dominoes
From pure beginnings, to this tainted growth

An escalator ascends, but not without gears
Viciously cycling by revisiting the years
The system isn't broken, but I feel it won’t last
Blocking lingering problems of an impressing past
Before I continue it, I also want to know, do my lyrics sound like pretentious, verbose tosh with the metaphors and all?? I feel like I overdo it with my lyrics, but then I don't know how to make them simple AND original - any tips?
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