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~~TumorAttitude~~ · 07-03-2010, 02:20 AM

Okay, let me disclaimer this: I am a kind of slutty, average looking girl.

I hate being a girl. Even as I type this, I reconsider, freaking out a little. About 2/3 of MB regulars assume I'm the default (dude), which is the way I prefer it. I wish I was a dude so freaking much it hurts.

I'm not that much of a lesbian and I guess having a vagina is okay. The period thing is kind of terrible but Midol, Ibuprofin, and bitching help loads. I hate being a girl because I feel like I'll constantly carry the burden of gender with me and every time I say or do something stupid (SHUT THE FUCK UP FASHO) it will be attributed to my gender. I do and say stupid things in real life. I write stupid things on Musicbanter. Its not because I'm a chick. Its because I'm dumb/lazy. Sometimes, I feel like guys don't have gender.

Guys are people and girls are girls. When I think from a sociologist's perspective, I could say the same thing about race. I sort of wish I was black because I have a weird fetish for black chicks and if I was one, I would probably just fwap to a mirror all day long but then again, I don't because carrying the burden of gender AND race with me would just me majahlay suckay. I would probably overanalyze everything ever done or said to me so much that I couldn't function in everyday life.

There's the sleeping around thing too. Even a lot of dudes who've clensed themselves of anti-women ways of thinking feel weird about girls who have had more sexual partners then them. Its just the way society works. I can't do what I want and be judged the same way. I guess I could fake it but since I analyze everything to a T, I'm not a very good liar so I usually either refrain from doing fun sexxxy stuffz or cry and shrivel up into a ball from guilt afterwards. I can't be one of those cool girls that rises above the stigma and has fun. I can't. I feel like I'm really doing something WRONG, especially if I'm really enjoying it.

The biggest thing though, I guess, is my gender getting in the way of my goals. I'm a feminist. Other feminists are nice to me (and the real ones are nice and accepting). Me having penis envy is okay. Its personal. And other girls are great at things. I like people with my gender. I'm not a woman-hating-woman by any stretch. I love girls and am jealous of tons of them. But I feel like I'm not good enough at the things I want to do to reach my goals and I feel like maybemaybeMAYBE, just maybe, if I was male, I would be better at everything. Actually, maybe if I was male, I wouldn't have to be better. I wouldn't have to prove myself so much and would get by with what I could do.

I'll just end this by saying that I don't have the answers and whats right for me isn't right for everybody. Maybe you're a dude and you'd trade with me in a heartbeat. Maybe you're a chick and you're shaking you're head thinking of how much you love your 'giney. Thats okay. But I would be so much better off if I was born a boy. I feel it in my soul. Girlhood just doesn't sit quite right with me. So thats it. I penis envy hard. I'm awaiting the inevitable STFU YOU STUPID BITCH comments. I hope this thread dies soon and you guys think I'm a badass, tattooed MALE.

07-03-2010, 02:20 AM	#69 (permalink)
~~TumorAttitude~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Purgatory Posts: 749	Okay, let me disclaimer this: I am a kind of slutty, average looking girl. I hate being a girl. Even as I type this, I reconsider, freaking out a little. About 2/3 of MB regulars assume I'm the default (dude), which is the way I prefer it. I wish I was a dude so freaking much it hurts. I'm not that much of a lesbian and I guess having a vagina is okay. The period thing is kind of terrible but Midol, Ibuprofin, and bitching help loads. I hate being a girl because I feel like I'll constantly carry the burden of gender with me and every time I say or do something stupid (SHUT THE FUCK UP FASHO) it will be attributed to my gender. I do and say stupid things in real life. I write stupid things on Musicbanter. Its not because I'm a chick. Its because I'm dumb/lazy. Sometimes, I feel like guys don't have gender. Guys are people and girls are girls. When I think from a sociologist's perspective, I could say the same thing about race. I sort of wish I was black because I have a weird fetish for black chicks and if I was one, I would probably just fwap to a mirror all day long but then again, I don't because carrying the burden of gender AND race with me would just me majahlay suckay. I would probably overanalyze everything ever done or said to me so much that I couldn't function in everyday life. There's the sleeping around thing too. Even a lot of dudes who've clensed themselves of anti-women ways of thinking feel weird about girls who have had more sexual partners then them. Its just the way society works. I can't do what I want and be judged the same way. I guess I could fake it but since I analyze everything to a T, I'm not a very good liar so I usually either refrain from doing fun sexxxy stuffz or cry and shrivel up into a ball from guilt afterwards. I can't be one of those cool girls that rises above the stigma and has fun. I can't. I feel like I'm really doing something WRONG, especially if I'm really enjoying it. The biggest thing though, I guess, is my gender getting in the way of my goals. I'm a feminist. Other feminists are nice to me (and the real ones are nice and accepting). Me having penis envy is okay. Its personal. And other girls are great at things. I like people with my gender. I'm not a woman-hating-woman by any stretch. I love girls and am jealous of tons of them. But I feel like I'm not good enough at the things I want to do to reach my goals and I feel like maybemaybeMAYBE, just maybe, if I was male, I would be better at everything. Actually, maybe if I was male, I wouldn't have to be better. I wouldn't have to prove myself so much and would get by with what I could do. I'll just end this by saying that I don't have the answers and whats right for me isn't right for everybody. Maybe you're a dude and you'd trade with me in a heartbeat. Maybe you're a chick and you're shaking you're head thinking of how much you love your 'giney. Thats okay. But I would be so much better off if I was born a boy. I feel it in my soul. Girlhood just doesn't sit quite right with me. So thats it. I penis envy hard. I'm awaiting the inevitable STFU YOU STUPID BITCH comments. I hope this thread dies soon and you guys think I'm a badass, tattooed MALE.