Unicorn, welcome to MusicBanter.
I was curious to read your unicorn song lyrics, because I recently wrote lyrics for a unicorn song myself, and yours may be even more peculiar than mine!
Since you use so much rhyming and so many vibrant adjectives, the lyrics don't automatically make me think of metal music. This will be a surprising combination to hear, I think.
My only suggestion would be a slight change in the storyline to suit...me. Instead of the archer actually hitting a vital area of the unicorn, I'd have him just graze the unicorn. Angered, the unicorn would charge him and gore him through the gut with its radiant, ivory horn. Heh heh. That would be much more pleasurable, I think: a comeuppance song. So, in *my* version, only the hunter dies a painful, shocking death.
However, I feel your song, as is, works as a good metaphor for the follies of engaging in preemptive war, with the unicorn being Iraq and its oil wells, and the archer being...the U.S. Maybe, though, you just intended the song to be about...a unicorn. :/
Say, just to make sure you know, there is an Introduction Section down in the Community Section, where you can make your own intro thread to greet the whole community!