Quote:
Originally Posted by October rain
This is not what i've made up
its not just a crush
this is something real to me
being a dream is just not enough
Chorus: my heart is racing with anticipation ...
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Hello October rain,
First, I just want to make sure you saw that down in the section below is an Introductions thread where you can introduce yourself to the whole MusicBanter community. I missed seeing it for around a week after I joined, so I always think other newcomers will, too!
The stanza above is my favorite part of the two love poems/songs you posted. I feel your songs run the risk of sounding overly gushy as the speaker is carried away by the thrill of the strong emotions. This second song, for example, sounds to me very much like a song about a crush, since the speaker doesn't know how the boy feels. If someone doesn't know if the person returns the feelings, how can she know for sure that her own love will be forever? That seems to be too much to promise, and so makes me feel the song *is* about a crush.
Yet this stanza directly challenges the reader by saying the feelings are not just a crush. So, the stanza makes me think more about how we decide whether our feelings are just a crush or are something more, which is an interesting question.
I agree with you that a dream is just not enough...though dreaming of possibilities can be fun and exciting. I know the feeling you are describing in the song...and it's a nice feeling, the anticipation, the excitement! Right now your songs sound to me like the dream rather than the reality. That isn't a bad thing, though. I actually think a song describing accurately how a crush feels is very sweet and fun to hear!
Your lyrics made me decide to listen again to Jennifer Paige's "Crush" song
YouTube - Jennifer Paige Crush and I thought someone's response to her song describes well what a crush feels like:
Quote:
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i think jennifer has never had any crush on anyone. i mean, in a crush, we're never like 'its just a little crush' or 'its just some little thing'. we're like: omg omg omg..is he looking at me. how do i look right now? oh please tell me!!!!!!! do i look stupid. tell me the truth or i'm gonna kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS LOOKING AT ME!!!!! IS THIS HEAVEN???????????? (if you're having a crush on anyone right now,then you probably know i'm right!)
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I agree with this person's view: a real crush doesn't feel minor and unimportant like Jennifer Paige describes. I feel your "Notice Me" song describes what a crush feels like much better than Jennifer Paige's!
One line I don't care for much in "Notice Me" is the one in bold below:
"making believe that it's real
all the pieces of the puzzle fit together
the turnings of a wheel
rolling into something wonderful."
You are using two metaphors that don't mesh: the pieces of a puzzle fitting together, and a wheel turning. I think you used "wheel" mostly because it rhymes with "real." I'd prefer you just stick to the puzzle metaphor. For example, instead of talking about a wheel you could say that the puzzle pieces fit together to form a picture of the two people becoming something wonderful.