Quote:
Originally Posted by mojopinuk
It's easier for kids to say the nasty things than it is the sweet things. I think all kids have told their parents that they hate them, it seems a phase you go through and then grow out of.
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That seems kind of true. I look at my relationship with my mother. Not all that long ago, we could have been described as "adversarial" on a good day. But as I went through the end of my teens and early 20s, I kinda grew up a lot and as a result we understand each other a lot better now and get along really pretty well. I don't hate her and I realize I never really did, despite how many times I swore it loudly at her.
Anyway, as for my day...
Well, it's 7am and I haven't been to bed yet because I've been working on a paper that's due in my evening class tonight. I'm definitely not going to my morning class because I flatly refuse to attempt to function on less than 4 hours sleep, but I do feel a fair bit of guilt about skipping it because I'm really trying not to do that as much as humanly possible. On the other hand, the paper I've been writing is finally at least sort of up to the impossibly high, panic-attack-inducing standard I set for my own writing, and as such, I know I'll do well on it (even though I don't really feel good about it). But getting there has involved such a high level of anxiety that my actual writing process has involved a fair amount of vomiting and crying in a ball on the floor over the past several hours, the culmination of several days of intellectual paralysis. What's worst about this isn't the fact that I can't yet go to bed because I have to slowly eat something so I don't feel worse when I wake up (which I'm doing now), it's that I feel very comfortable in both my own ability to write and my knowledge of the material that I'm writing. The fact that the process is so torturous (in a very physical sense) is solely the product of my own emotional and mental baggage and it makes me feel way more out of control than I generally like to believe myself to be. That scares the living daylights out of me.
So... um... not the best start to the day ever. But it can only go up from here!
