I won't beat around the bush here, I'm going to be brutally honest about these.
I think you are very competent technically. You seem to either have experience writing songs or a natural sense of meter - and your rhyming skills are up to par.
That being said, I didn't care for these lyrics on the creative level. I don't think they are creative at all, in fact. The subject matter is cliche, and rarely do they do anything but muddle about in goopy psuedo-romantic nonsense.
You came close to employing some more effective imagery with the lines about the scars. Expound on that and try to use more imagery in the future. I also enjoyed the lines
You said you'd love me forever
Til the day I died
But I'm alive
Dying inside
Aside from the "love me forever" part (which frankly made me want to gag), I found these words to be very powerful and beautiful.
Like I said, you are perfectly capable of writing. But you need to dig a little deeper and do something less cliche. Keep writing lyrics! Good luck.
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