Paloma, I'm back
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It's 4:39am already so I probably could give you a better reply at a different time, but here goes
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Originally Posted by Paloma
It doesn't, anymore, really. The only thing I have to do about it now is remember to take my meds forever and eat properly and don't do drugs or alcohol.
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I'm glad to hear that
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I've been diagnosed several different times with it since I was 14/15, and I am nearly 21 now. It started to manifest in its fullness when I was around 19. That was truly awful, I felt like I had no control over myself, like I was living in body only and controlled by impulse. It was like watching your brain make the absolute worst decisions for yourself.
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So you knew all the time that you were heading in a totally wrong direction, but couldn't do anything about it, really? That sounds like an awful way to live your life.
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When I was around 17, I was put into a mental facility because of my drug abuse (I'm an opiate addict) and put on a med called Abilify. Long story short, it nearly killed me because of side effects I wasn't aware of.
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When you're really down and out it's sometimes quite hard to see what is actually caused (or solved) by the meds you're taking. I guess you probably didn't have proper (or enough) guidance from a psychiatrist at that time?
Glad you're still here, Paloma
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A lot of my teenage years were pretty much mistakes made by my inability to maintain a pharmaceutical regimen that didn't include narcotics :P Obviously hindering my brain's ability to function in any normal way and exacerbating the symptoms I had. When I was 19, an ex fiancee basically conned me into getting medicated.
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I'm having a hard time understanding what your ex fiancee exactly did for you. I tried translating 'conned', but Google translate seems to come op with a lot of nonsense. I suppose he sort of forced you? Please explain
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I'm thankful for this, though. I eventually tracked my progression of "episodes" per the medical terminology. I did indeed have bipolar one, and was more prone to episodes of mania which include but are not limited to impulsive behavior, promiscuity, spending sprees, irritability, decreased need for sleep and food and such things.
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I must say that the symptoms you describe here sort of remind me of the symptoms you get when you suffer from borderline. Have they ever tested you for that?
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I was extremely scared of trying meds again, because the meds after Abilify had made me suicidal. I worked up the courage to admit to myself my first med (Lamictal) worked for me and the only reason I denied that it did was because it affects the seratonin in a way that makes opiates not work. I gave up on that, and ended up ****ing up all over again. I could not control myself at all. I would spend horrible amounts on stupid ****, I was horribly promiscuous...people would tell me that I was terrifying because talking to me, I would switch to happy to irritable to flirtatious very quickly (an obvious manic episode). I ended up abusing drugs again because I believed they'd keep me "level". I ended up in detox for my addiction and now I've been out and drug free and medicated for 5 months. Medication makes it easier to deal with completely. I also take an ADHD/ADD drug as well. The main reason for this is that ADHD/ADD symptoms are very similar to those of bipolar.
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I again get the idea you didn't have the proper help whilst taking the medicines. It almost seams as if they just provided you with them and then let you figure everything else out by yourself. Weren't you warned about the risks/side effects these medicins could have on your behaviour?
I just wonder, what eventualy made you decide to take your meds?
And how are you now? I mean, you told me your bi-polarity doesn't effect your life that much anymore, but as far as I can see all these things you have been through have happened pretty recently. It really took a turn for the better all of a sudden, didn't it?
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The only thing about bipolar people don't realise, is that it makes you have a wonderful creative thinking process. Episodes are ****ing terrible though. I hate it so much when people say they're bipolar for attention. It makes a serious, debilitating illness a ****ing joke with people.
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We have a famous soccerplayer here who once said "every downside has it's upside and the other way around". And he's probably right. You can always find a good thing coming from a bad thing and good things happening to you always have some sort of downside.
I can't think of any mental disorder that doesn't come with a positive site.
You have a very creative thinking process (I can see that in your pictures, indeed), I (and that really has to do with my sort of Autism) have a very strong feeling of justice and I'm quite good with languages. I also have a lot of eye (and ear, in my case) for detail. Which could be very convenient now and then.
Still I'm not sure if, had I been given the choice, I would really want to live this life. It's not easy
. But I must admit there's some upsides to every disorder. And I'm glad you are able to see yours. I hope you will exploit them