Music Banter - View Single Post - The Rise and Fall of Sara and the Hipsters From Ashland

ThePhanastasio · 12-22-2010, 07:32 AM

This journal has been forgotten for a bit, and I'm bringing it back. I understand that one post didn't really make it much of a "journal" in the first place, but I'm definitely going to try to keep this updated more frequently.

I've gotten in the habit lately of doing something which has proved oddly therapeutic - I make mixes for people which they will never receive. It's like writing the letter you never deliver (that many self-help books swear by!) just to get everything out. It really has been making me feel better.

All but one mix.

This mix is to her. The one who could have been before I got scared and ruined things...then could have been again before I got scared and ruined things again. She's the "what-if" I've never quite been able to let go of, and nothing ever coming of it has been, completely and undeniably, all my fault.

Her undeliverable mix was in the form of a cassette. Side A was entitled: To Someone Who Deserves It, and Side B: ...From Someone Who Doesn't.

It really seemed not to fit the theme of many of the other mixes I'd been making in that it was not embittered towards the person. It is full of things I felt needed to be said, but Side B turned into straight up self-deprecation. Instead of just making the mix as a form of catharsis and putting it aside, I keep listening to it. It points out the flaws in myself I'd like not to look at. My own weak points displayed. It also made it glaringly obvious to me that the only reason I'd never pursued anything is because I didn't feel like I was good enough to do so.

Side A:
1.) Joy Zipper - 1
2.) The Delgados - Keep On Breathing
3.) Ben Kweller - Falling
4.) Bob Dylan - I Want You
5.) Harry and the Potters - Save Ginny Weasley
6.) Julia Nunes - Pen To Paper
7.) Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone
8.) The Brunettes - If You Were Alien
9.) CocoRosie - By Your Side
10.) Loch Awe - Lullaby From a Digital Sea
11.) Rilo Kiley - Hail To Whatever You Found In the Sunlight That Surrounds You
12.) Jenny Owen Youngs - Nighty Night

Side B:
1.) Bright Eyes - Something Vague
2.) Amanda Palmer - Blake Says
3.) Sarah Brightman - Anytime, Anywhere
4.) Regina Spektor - Apres Moi
5.) tape recorder - Carbon Copy
6.) Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
7.) Ingrid Michaelson - The Chain
8.) Young Hunting - Sonata
9.) Phish - Dirt
10.) Rilo Kiley - Small Figures In a Vast Expanse
11.) Amy Seeley - Catalinas
12.) Jeremy Messersmith - Tomorrow
13.) The Beatles - Blackbird

90 minute cassette.

Just feeling a little depressed lately, I suppose. I'm going to try to destroy this cassette and keep myself from listening to it anymore...after Christmas.

12-22-2010, 07:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio Killed Laura Palmer Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ashland, KY Posts: 1,679	This journal has been forgotten for a bit, and I'm bringing it back. I understand that one post didn't really make it much of a "journal" in the first place, but I'm definitely going to try to keep this updated more frequently. I've gotten in the habit lately of doing something which has proved oddly therapeutic - I make mixes for people which they will never receive. It's like writing the letter you never deliver (that many self-help books swear by!) just to get everything out. It really has been making me feel better. All but one mix. This mix is to her. The one who could have been before I got scared and ruined things...then could have been again before I got scared and ruined things again. She's the "what-if" I've never quite been able to let go of, and nothing ever coming of it has been, completely and undeniably, all my fault. Her undeliverable mix was in the form of a cassette. Side A was entitled: To Someone Who Deserves It, and Side B: ...From Someone Who Doesn't. It really seemed not to fit the theme of many of the other mixes I'd been making in that it was not embittered towards the person. It is full of things I felt needed to be said, but Side B turned into straight up self-deprecation. Instead of just making the mix as a form of catharsis and putting it aside, I keep listening to it. It points out the flaws in myself I'd like not to look at. My own weak points displayed. It also made it glaringly obvious to me that the only reason I'd never pursued anything is because I didn't feel like I was good enough to do so. Side A: 1.) Joy Zipper - 1 2.) The Delgados - Keep On Breathing 3.) Ben Kweller - Falling 4.) Bob Dylan - I Want You 5.) Harry and the Potters - Save Ginny Weasley 6.) Julia Nunes - Pen To Paper 7.) Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone 8.) The Brunettes - If You Were Alien 9.) CocoRosie - By Your Side 10.) Loch Awe - Lullaby From a Digital Sea 11.) Rilo Kiley - Hail To Whatever You Found In the Sunlight That Surrounds You 12.) Jenny Owen Youngs - Nighty Night Side B: 1.) Bright Eyes - Something Vague 2.) Amanda Palmer - Blake Says 3.) Sarah Brightman - Anytime, Anywhere 4.) Regina Spektor - Apres Moi 5.) tape recorder - Carbon Copy 6.) Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek 7.) Ingrid Michaelson - The Chain 8.) Young Hunting - Sonata 9.) Phish - Dirt 10.) Rilo Kiley - Small Figures In a Vast Expanse 11.) Amy Seeley - Catalinas 12.) Jeremy Messersmith - Tomorrow 13.) The Beatles - Blackbird 90 minute cassette. Just feeling a little depressed lately, I suppose. I'm going to try to destroy this cassette and keep myself from listening to it anymore...after Christmas.