It looks to me like you need to try to be more creative with what you use. The things that you're writing are either cliche or just not creative. Try thinking of better rhymes or something to really make these your own.
Quote:
|
Ladies come and ladies go, like a revolving door
|
It's very bland. Try changing the words around or adding or subtracting words, changing the order of the words so that it
flows better. I am in no way a rapper or a rhymer but I am a poet and I am a listener.
Maybe something like: Ladies come or they leave, ladies get here and they're gone
Something like that, just to make it better for listening, does that make sense?
You don't have to take my advice, I'm just telling you what I think.