Insult Me (A_Perfect_Sonnet)
 

Do it, I'll rate them on a scale of 1-10.

your "beard" is a weak attempt at a sexy 5 O'clock shadow! you fail!

(that and I wouldn't do you)

your butt probably smells right after you take a dump.
:whythis:

You look like the lead singer from the Guillemots with that beard.

And he ugly.

Your pee smells like bleach.

I bet when you played hide and seek as a kid you were the kid that nobody ever went and found so you got left behind and your parents didn't come looking for you when their parents said you were nowhere to be found and you always had to find your own way home late and then dinner was all eaten and you had to go out in the back yard and forage and you'd eat snails and worms and bits of paving slab and that's why you're all slimy and gray now.

You look like a bearded lady.

If you were to go without washing or showering for a month for a dare I bet nobody would even notice because you always smell that bad anyway.

I bet you believe it when people say "if you don't wash your hair for two weeks it starts to clean itself".

Ben means 'stupid' in Malay.

When you shave your pubes you stick the cuttings onto your face.

You poo into plastic cups and then try to sell it on the street corner as fresh chocolate mousse. When nobody buys it (because you look like a tramp and nobody buys food from tramps) you get all hungry and start tucking in to the produce yourself.

You eat your own poo and you love it.

You drink directly from urinals and then take some of the little blue blocks to chew on.

DNA studies have shown that 63% of your DNA is mutated, but not in a cool way like the X-Men, so scientists call you a Y-Man. Y stands for y-fronts.

For the record, stop asking God to take away your virginity. The only way you'll ever get laid is if the 300lbs heifer gets drunk and takes pity on you. And even then it will still take a half a box of ruffies and 50$ to get her to suck that itty bitty tiny noodle you like to call your ****.

*High Fives Dave*

Ben has two virginities. And his lymph nodes actually secrete pure virginity hormone so that if he ever loses one he'll quickly be restored to double-virgin status.

Ben is SUCH a virgin that sacrificing him would appease ALL of the ancient gods.

Ben is only a virgin if you count people OVER the age of 12 he's had sex with.

Ben's beard is actually his pubes. His pubic hair was so repulsed by his malformed genitalia that it just got up and moved to his face.

His face looks like normally formed genitalia.

SOrry if I go over board on this one, but yeah, here it is:

Ben loved the family times as a child with his mother giving him rim jobs while he was using his father's testicles to ephixiate himself as he watched, oh so intently, the family dog was sucked off by his sister as she chunneled his rimjobing mother until his father exploded hot steaming semen all over his face.
*ahh, a father's loving words loving words...-"whose your daddy Benny-boy "*

I'm sorry, but I win.

Have you seen 'The Aristocrats', Dave? That reminded me of The Aristocrat joke.

Um, what does 'chunnel' mean?

Yes, I primarily took that from The Aristocrats lol.

Chunneling, correct me if I'm wrong, but I always associate it with slurping lots of cemen, but yeah, someone can correct me.

Well, normally I would do a search to find the word definition but as I'm on an office computer I might not be searching for 'chunneling' right now.

I've got to say, I didn't understand why in the aristocrats they didn't have any versions which were like 5 or 10 minutes long. You could really get in deep with that one and develop a whole plot and side-characters and maybe a chase scene and robots and time-travel and lasers and women debuting at society balls and in the end one of their friends could really be the murderer.

I would advise against it.

Ben needs to hurry up and get on so he can cower in the insults we have left him.

You're a pussy because you took a hiatus from MB because I was "A jerk."

Smile big for that camera. :wave:

You most likely have the smallest penis out of everyone here. And Ethan could beat you up without even a smudge to his eyeshadow.

Alli - 6 (I shaved it, and you know you'd do me.)
TUTG - 2 (It lacked a twist.)
DRMO - 3 (I shaved.)
DRMO(2) - 3 (I like the smell of bleach.)
DRMO(3) - :[
DRMO(4) - 4 (Funny story - I went to Applebee's with my girlfriend and the waitress comes up and says "How are you ladies doing today." I gave her a "What the hell is your problem?" stare, and she didn't even apologize. Long story short, I called her a moron and didn't tip her.)
DRMO(5) - 6 (It made me chuckle. I shower everyday.)
DRMO(6) - 2 (That isn't true?)
DRMO(7) - 0 (Malay is malay for homosexual.)
DRMO(8) - 5 (I put them in the trash, yo.)
DRMO(9) - 4 (You took too long to get the point across.)
DRMO(10) - 2 (I urinate those blocks away.)

APS is about as straight as a rainbow.

When you shave your pubes you stick the cuttings onto your face.
^ Like Cartman.

Also Ben, wtf is with the cats playing ping pong Avatar. That's just retarded.

You, apparenty, are too dimwitted to rate my insults.

no

I listen to better music than you and I'm a girl.

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.

Oh, come on, that's the oldest insult in the book. How 'bout this one, you're a dumb idiot with a dumb smelly butt, and you've got a big butt, and you've got a buttface.

^When are you leaving!? God damn.

As soon as you love me:)

I'd rather listen to a woman in labor, than hear your voice.