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Welcome! - Rate Your Music

Find some of the best one line fan written reviews of some of your own albums. Here's a classic:

http://www.philia.ru/bjork/bjork_debut.jpg

Review:

"inoffensive fun with a couple of strangely sweet vocal melodies, generally pretty stupid though" :rofl:

http://991.com/NewGallery/Nick-Cave-...ig--427696.jpg

"What a crazy bastard. What else is there to say?"

There's a Joshua Tree review which is a list of musical 'felons'. It's very amusing.

http://images.google.co.uk/url?q=htt...kt2wHIyVJvtYLA

"I admire your guts, Lou." 1 star.

Does it have to be one line?

Because this is great

http://www.istok.kz/files/images/imp...nd_whiskey.jpg

"Say, has life got ya down? Feelin' bummed? Havin' difficulty coping? Can't get a second glance from the chicks? Well children, you've come to the right place. Dr. Beauregard'll set you straight. My diagnosis of you is chronic wussiness. What you need is some real rock-n-roll". What the heck are you babblin' about?", I asked the rockin' housecat. "Yep", the cat continued on as he further examined me...."I've seen cases like this before. The first symptom is denial, of course. Then the fever sets in and you start to denigrate your AC/DC collection. Hell, I'd heard of a feller across town who'd got it so bad that he'd started to appreciate his wife's Hall and Oates Greatest Hits CD. And furthermore, in a fit of delirium, he'd offered to give up beer "n" football in order to help out around the house. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you. Fortunately, I was cat on the spot and was able to make a house call and inject some Led Zeppelin into the dude, who subsequently made a miraculous recovery, much to the satisfaction of his wife."

"Bobo, what does that goofy story have to do with Alice Cooper?", I asked. It doesn't have anything to do with the Coop", the cat replied. "I jus' felt that we'd kill some time and add some verbiage to our review total, that's all. If'n we're back on the AC discography, that means that the Coop's '77 album, Lace and Whiskey is on deck. I can guarantee you that we'd be hard pressed to flesh-out a decent review of this album". "Why is that?", I asked. "Because it sucks, that's why", said the rockin' housecat, emphatically. "No great melodies. No great riff's. No great lines. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. If I were guitarists Dick Wagner or Steve Hunter, I'd be embarrassed to cash paychecks associated with this turkey. What was Alice Cooper thinking? (Yeah, I know what the Coop was thinking....'Man, I gotta get the Billion Dollar Babies" back together again!'). Albums as misguided as Lace and Whiskey are career killers".

"OK, Bobo, lay it on the line. Don't hold back. Tell me what you really think about Lace and Whiskey?". I asked. The cat replied..."I give this album one-half star. It's that bad. one of the worst in our whole rock-n-roll collection. The only reason it's not bringin'-up the rear of our collection is because we have the Moody Blues, Sur La Mer occupying that esteemed spot."

Someone had to do it:

http://krug.org/unit/spinal/shark.jpg


Shark Sandwich by Spinal Tap : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music

I was so close. Actually that movie is on Tv here today and I caught it right before that part.

"The can't publish that now can they?"

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'bjork swallows a brass band, dies'. It is still languishing on my hard drive-is the review correct?

Well it isn't one of her best to be honest, but she's far from dead yet. Give it a go definitely.

The rockin' housecat deserves his own column

This is a genuine review of the movie from a customer on amazon....

If you're going to make such an excellent documentary, why make it about about a band that nobody has ever heard of?

Getting similar behind-the-scenes footage on the Who, The Stones, or Genesis would have been a monumental achievment in documentary cinema.

OMFG!

Fucking numpty! That person needs a good shoeing!

http://www.davidhasselhoffonline.com...FrontCover.jpg

Ahhh... Enjoyable I guess. It's quite shit if you take it seriously though.

So you own this then? ;) (check opening post!)

Yes

Can I get a copy.....

I have the original on vinyl autographed and i'm trying to keep it in mint condition until it's value hits at least 2p

I'll have it, i need a new placemat.

No. I want it to throw at someones head a lá ' Shaun Of The Dead'. 3p bid down.

I've just written a review of a Robbie Williams album left in my collection by an ex , so technically I own it.

I've Been Expecting You by Robbie Williams : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music

"As dangerous as a week-old Big Mac"

"Keep waiting for me, Robbie."

Hee hee!

Time for me to lose some cred (yeah yeah lol) but I think 'No Regrets' is an O.K track. He is a useless tampon but it is one of the few tracks that he has made that hints at a little personality. If urbs can quote an Sclub 7 track as a Pop classic then I can like this track and balls to you all!

I used to have a soft spot for the one that sampled Gloria Gaynor.
Christ that sounds bad.

Here's something that should intrigue Urban:
Screamadelica by Primal Scream : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music

"After all is said and done, a fine effort from the Scottish Linkin Park, even better than their American counterparts."

:rofl:

Well I think you guys know about my strange predilection for Robbie Williams. :o:

That is just genius.

My dad designed his vacation house.

Bump!

I lol'd at this one.


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"Hi, I'm Ashley Olsen."

"And I'm Soulja Boy."

"And for the next sixty minutes, we're going to share with you some of the most obnoxious chart rap from the Double-Os."

"You know what I like to call them."

"What's that?"

"The OOOOOOOs!"

(laughter)

"When the last vestige of hip-hop's ability to scare adults shrank away - and an entire generation of emulatory social strivers raised on a pervasive celebrity culture came into their own as consumers - obnoxious chart rap stepped in to fill the void."

"That's right, Ashley. Guys like Hurricane Chris, D4L, and myself (humble chuckle) blew up the charts with hookless playground chatter married to rinky-dink synth tracks. If it could become a joyless polyphonic ring tone, it was in the Top Ten."

"Those were such great times! I think we all can remember the first time we did a cold-read for a new Steve Martin comedy, then did a bump of coke off the display of a bejeweled Treo before driving home in the Cayenne blasting 'Donk (She Got)'!"

(brief pause)

"Well, now you can experience that feeling again and again and again, with this brand-new Time-Life collection: Obnoxious Chart Rap."

[Voiceover]

Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can experience the ****tiest club tracks of the dawning millennium in the comfort of your own home. Hear pandering minstrel fare from... Hurricane Chris!
["Ay Bay Bay"]
Plies featuring Akon!
["Hypnotize"]
Yung Joc!
["It's Goin' Down"]
And everything recorded by Dem Franchise Boyz!
[twenty songs playing at once for three seconds]

Yes, it's all here. The tracks was bangin', and you was slangin'. Chart rap from a simpler time, a time when the nation's seventeen-year-olds still thought this music was hard. Available in one place for the first time as 45 CDs, 3 mp8 CDs, or 900 10-second ringtones!

"And we're back. Soulja Boy, as you know, obnoxious chart rap wasn't always about booty meat, or making God sad through creative ejaculation. There was love, too."

"Oh, you bet, Ashley. That's why someone wrote 'Soulja Girl'. (pause) Well, that and perpetrating the brand."

(laughter)

"But yes, obnoxious chart rap was all about love. Love for girls with thick asses, girls with large asses, girls shaking what their mamas gave them, girls that liked to drink Patrón and experience shame. There was something for everybody... provided you were attractive, with disposable income and a way with the stripper pole."

"Mmm. You're really taking me back."

"It's funny you say that, because as an artist, it was my goal with every song to pretend the past never existed. When you heard 'Yahhh!' featuring Arab, I wanted the listener to believe that both the song and themselves appeared in that club, or that kegger, or that Range Rover ex nihilo. In fact, it was my hope that Collipark's baby-Casio-and-click-track beats would eventually become what everybody thought of hip-hop. I wanted casual listeners to judge the entire genre of rap based on the pandering crap I was releasing."

"And for a magical seven months, you did exactly that. Looking at this collection, I can't imagine how long it would take to gather all these great songs in one place! My assistants could be scouring iTunes for hours. But with Obnoxious Chart Rap, Time-Life did all the work for you!"

Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can own all the classic hits from a time when moving three fingers on a Korg was enough to send a song straight to the top! Peep this dope **** from... Da Muzicianz featuring Ying Yang Twins!
["Camera Phone"]
Webbie!
["Bad Bitch"]
Huey!
["Pop, Lock and Drop It"]
You know what? Pretty much any ****ing snap music single!
[picture of Mr. Collipark and Jermaine Dupri chunkin tha deuce]

"And we're back."