True Facts Film Script: Washington Crosses the Delaware (quote, hands)

[lucifer_sam]

Facebook fun.

EXT. DELAWARE RIVER - NIGHT

GEN. WASHINGTON stands shirtless on the bow of a rowboat full of shivering soldiers who, despite freezing their goddamn balls off, continue to row.

GEN. WASHINGTON
Holy shit I am freezing my goddamn balls off.

Washington breathes fire onto his hands to warm them. A PRIVATE, 20s, leaves his spot and approaches Washington.

PRIVATE
Sir, I cannot row much any longer. My hands are frozen stiff, my blisters have broken and my own blood is frozen fast to my palms. May I take a short respite to recuperate?

Washington bites off the man's head and spits it like a cannonball over the horizon. He kicks the headless body, knocking it off the rowboat and into the icy black water of the Delaware.

GEN. WASHINGTON
How is that for a respite? LOL.

EXT. DELAWARE SHORE - LATER

The BOAT bumps against the icy shore. Washington jumps off the boat onto the shore. He draws his sword and address his troops.

GEN. WASHINGTON
Listen up, peeps. We about to have a huge fuckin' battle on our hands. Don't let your bros down.

He mounts a snarling Grizzly bear and charges toward the HESSIANS.

GEN. WASHINGTON
For America!

He fires at the oncoming HESSIAN HORDE with machine guns in both hands. ABRAHMS TANKS roll over the hills and begin bombarding the HQ with heavy artillery. A PLANE carpet bombs the entire area. A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. The dust clears.

Washington stands on a pile of bones skull fucking a Hessian head in the eye socket.

GEN. WASHINGTON
Oh yeah. Take it all, bitch. Take it all.

THE END.

[khfreek]

Wow, I had no reason to believe George Washington was the greatest president ever until now. Fun stuff