Why Will Our Marriage Not Work?
 

The idea is simple: you and the last person who posted are married. Why will your marriage inevitably deteriorate? Bonus points for telling us how it ends.

So tell me, why will OUR marriage not work, honey bunny?

Edit: Rule 1.) It is to be assumed that all people are eligible for marriage.

Because I'm not of legal age for marriage.

Because you are a child.

Poor thing.

Or marragie is not legal in Florida.

Alright, **** all of you. Rules to be amended to account for smartass douchebags. See OP.

Because you cry after sex. Every time.

Because your hair clogs the shower drain.

Because I'm sick of eating herring for breakfast.

Because you naturally attract black widow spiders.

Because I was a customer at your store once and I know you can never truly love me.