Frownland's Aleoteric Advice Arena
 

Step one: you ask me a question.
Step two: I perform a chance operation that will decide some element of my answer.
Step three: I construct an appropriate answer using the criteria established in step two.

So tell me MB, what ails you?

My stomach feels utterly awful after a night of drinking followed by projectile spewing

Dearest Frownland, what is your advice for me to feel better?

Frownland, YorkeDaddy won't put out no matter how many times I get sexy for him. What can I do to make him love me? Don't suggest poison or sleep aids as I've already tried and failed.

Dear Frownland,

I've been drinking a lot of chocolate milk lately. Will my boobs get bigger, or does the syrup counteract the growth hormones of a pure American vitamin D cow juice?

Sincerely,

So Serious

Method: random number generator determining the length of my responses. The range (1-57) was determined using the I Ching.

Integer: 23

I would recommend sleeping or doing drugs to keep the party going. You can always suck it up and deal with it, too.

Integer: 20

You should wait until he is hungover from a night of drinking and revive him.
Then he'll be all yours.

Integer: 22

If you drink enough your boobs will gain weight and grow in size along with the rest of the body. For real.

Dear Frownie,

I gave my child 10 dollars to buy his first CD today, and he came home with a Gary Glitter album. There's no parental advisory sticker on it or anything, but I want to be completely sure. Is this album okay for my little kid?

Sincerely,
Concerned in Connecticut

*cough*

Dear Chula...

*cough*

Ki's just mad that I've been working hard lately to pay the bills and I just don't have the energy for the sexytimes when I get home

Frownie, how can I get him to understand that work comes before hot, steamy lovin?

*flips coin*

Heads: The album will make your child wiser.

*pulls card from deck*

Queen of diamonds: have him put a ring on it, gurrrrl.

Dear Frown,

Why did you bump this shitty thread?

DWV