Choose Your Own Banter
 

I'm really bored right now, so I thought I may as well start a choose your own adventure story. Basically, I'll write a story in segments, and each segment will end with a choice, and then you guys pick the option that you like best. Whichever choice has the most votes by the time I decide to write the next segment becomes canon. So, first things first, what should the story be about?

A. A story about two female wrestlers trying to win a tag team championship in a post apocalyptic city filled with radioactive monsters and mutated freaks.

B. A story about a wandering swordsman in a strange land, taking on quests and building a party.

C. Yet another uber meta ego stroking story about the members of MB doing goofy shit.

A

C and you better finally stroke mine.

R

Oops, I almost forgot option R, thanks for reminding me.

R. Janszoon buys a cursed saxaphone from an antique shop, and is possessed by the ghost of a serial killing Jazz musician.

Edit: P.S. I'm rooting for option A.

Then the ghost goes on to invent a new jazz subgenre: Janz.

Dude, spoilers!

That's an easy pick:

A

I like it. My title suggestion: Blow Hard.

Two for A, one for C, and one for R. Option A it is, then. Oh, and just for Mondo Bungle, I'll try to go easy on the expletives.

A Post Apocalyptic Wrestling Thing

"Fuck!" groans Jessica as she falls to the mat. After taking a deep breath and wiping her hair out of her eyes, she turns herself over onto her elbows. Standing above her, glowing under the bright light of the lamp hanging over the ring, a massive woman with blue eyes and reptilian skin smiles. Taking a heavy step forward, the large woman launches herself into the air, raising a leg as she prepares to drop it onto Jessica's neck with the full weight of her body. Rolling to the side, Jessica narrowly evades the deadly blow, and shoots out a leg as she kicks her enemy square in the jaw. Taking the hit without so much as flinching, the reptilian woman simply smiles, and answers by grabbing Jessica's leg and wrapping her arms around it, locking her knee.

After finishing his beer, the announcer unceremoniously burps into the microphone, before continuing his half-hearted commentary. "Welp, the Rose sisters put up a pretty good fight, but it looks like they ain't got shit on the Lovely Serpents after all. I give 'em 'bout two minutes 'fore they get made. Anyway, I've just run outta beer, so if any of you gorgeous mutant fucks out there tonight brings me another cold one, I'll slip ya' some of that radioactive goop ya'll like so much."

Quickly maneuvering herself out of the lock, Jessica positions herself behind her enemy and wraps her right arm around her neck, pressing her forearm into her windpipe with as much strength as she can muster. The reptilian woman lets out a surprised gasp, and frantically shoots an elbow back, hitting Jessica in the ribs. Bracing herself for another strike, Jessica squeezes her opponent's neck even tighter. Though she can feel her opponent quickly losing strength, Jessica knows that one more elbow from her mighty enemy could very likely shatter her ribs. Catching her breath, she briefly considers using her special ability as a last resort, a technique that she acquired years ago as a result of the waves of radiation that perpetually blanket every corner of her ruined world. However, it would be a gamble, as the use of her ability would completely drain her of her remaining energy.

On the sidelines, Jessica's sister Albany watches the action intently, eager to help. As the reptilian woman elbows Jessica, Albany looks away, glancing at the audience behind her. A mutated fan with red hair and a turtle shell on his back waves at her as their gazes meet, shoveling fried ants into his mouth with his other hand. Albany notices that he is seated on a metal folding chair, as opposed to the flimsy wooden stools underneath most of the other spectators.

What should the sisters do?

A. [Jessica] Keep up the choke hold and hope for the best.
B. [Jessica] Use your mysterious special ability.
C. [Albany] Call for your sister to give up the choke hold, and tag out.
D. [Albany] GIVE 'EM THE CHAIR!!!!!