Most embarrassing Pitchfork review
Now that they've been bought by Conde Nast, they've gone all "serious", but it's worth remembering they made a name for themselves by sometimes publishing stuff like this (that they for some reason still haven't taken down): Death Cab for Cutie Transatlanticism
Excerpt: "I. INTRO -- (first decision: clever metaphor or witty personal narrative??) A. (used to be one of favorite bands / accordingly: personal stuff has more depth/heart) start-shame on band, damn this record. makes me feel old and wise-- uh, but, yeah, am older (a little, SAA was only '99 (98?) in any case-- can say I had it right when it came out-- would give me more leeway (Ich bin expert)-- but, seriosuly not wiser-- shouldn't be made to feel wiser. Trans. decidedly makes me feel wise (see Roget's for new/better word for 'wise'), like i'm all of a sudden worldly and all-aware. Makes me feel like ****ing Kerouac or something. --used to pause the songs when playing for friends and read from the lyric book, made me feel so callow and sheltered and myopic and like I had so much more to see and learn w/ "your wedding figurines: I'd melt so I could drink them in," and "gravitated toward a taste for foreign film and modern plays," (find better lyrics) there was nuance and the possibility of discovery and growth and suggestive prowess even in the face of experience. It was so forward-looking/thinking but had already seen so much.-- with this album: the mystique is gone, these songs are heads turned back over shoulders in commentary and nostalgia: but the scenes are already diluted with age and the pictures aren't as sharp-- nowhere left to go, just idling. Lyrical extension: Opening lines of cd: "so this is the new year / and I don't feel any different." (further (farther?)develop later)" |
One of the most notorious ones was so damaging they eventually took it down and replaced it with a new, more favorable review, but the internet remembers:
Belle And Sebastian The Boy With The Arab Strap Reproduced here in all its glory: "Mediocrity is not a punishable crime, but if it was, Belle and Sebastian would be enjoying their last meal right about now. This Scottish septet who made a truly wonderful album last year called If You're Feeling Sinister, has decided to parody themselves on their American debut, The Boy With the Arab Strap. And a fine job they did, lads. Whereas Sinister was filled with huge hooks, loungy chord change-ups, and a fistful or two of bitingly catty lyrics, The Boy is seriously lacking in all of that and more. Sinister was compared to Nick Drake and Fairport Convention; The Boy will maybe remind you of the Starland Vocal Band-- they of "Afternoon Delight" fame. These are songs so sticky they should be hanging from Ben Stiller's ear, and I don't mean that in a good way. In fact, I mean that in the worst possible way. The band's spacey experiment in spoken word isn't a plus, and neither are the wilted bouquets of bedroom poetry. Are we still learning from the Mel Bay book of guitar? Where are the interesting chords? Only the title cut offers up something fun, even if it does just sound like a glorified Hollies song. Really, Sinister is well worth your time, but whatever an Arab Strap is, it should be used to batten down the crap song hatch. Maybe next time they'll get it back together. I hope so." I googled the author, clearly this was the highlight of his musical journalistic career. |
Don’t forget this notorious monstrosity from their most annoying reviewer, Brent DiCrescenzo: https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/6656-kid-a/
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"The trained critical part of me marked the similarity to Coltrane's "Ole." The human part of me wept in awe."
Wow. I have not read this gem before, thanks! :,) |
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That might be the most ridiculous and overwritten review I've ever seen. |
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I've quickly gone through some of his others and jeez louise...what a self-important douche! And such a bore! You have to read through 2 pages of his personal history before he starts talking about the music! Thank goodness they got rid of him! |
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I think that’s a great review of Kid A.
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https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums...gration-loops/
Not only is this album a legit 0.5/10, it also has the most pretentious fans. He gave it a 10. A TEN. Quote:
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