I like you :) welcome :D

Ah, I ****ed my posting up. Thanks for explaining though ;).
What I meant to say is that I don't know why Dirty would call the Amish "The Dutch"

Thanks Kayleigh. I like you too :).
I'm just wondering, do you (too) like me because of my voice or have you just decided that you should officially welcome me by now because you like me because of the postings I've done so far? :)

If you haven't got a clue what I mean by my voice, read this topic starting from HERE.
I apparently have a talent I didn't know about...

Because the Amish in the state Dirty and I live in are also known as "Pennsylvania Dutch".

Figures.
Well I sure as hell am not amish :).

aw yay, you like me back. I also dunno what you mean about your voice haha. But I've noticed you about and have been reading your posts, I normally welcome all noobs but since I've already seen about and you're already kinda part of the community then I thought I should mention that I do already like you, even though we've not crossed paths as of yet :(

I'm glad you knew cause I had no idea.

The one side of my county has a ton of Amish/PA Dutch. Pretty annoying to have them on the road going 5 miles an hour and their horses taking dumps all over the roads. But they do a hell of a job with building houses and farming.

Sure I do. Why wouldn't I :).

The last couple of pages have been about my voice which is interesting to people here, somehow. So I wasn't sure whether you were talking about that.

That's really sweet of you :).
Thanks.

How should I interpret 'crossing paths' in this case?
I mean, we have talked on the forum before, so what do you mean by crossing paths then?

Still here, apparently.
Enjoying myself.
Thanks for the great times so far :).
I'm really amazed about how good it is to be here.
Sleep well. It's 5:53am here. You've been keeping me up since 2:00.
And I don't mind at all!

Hey Guys,

There's too many people here who really really misunderstand me.
I don't think it's going to end well. So I think I'm going to leave you guys.
It's been really great, I've learned a lot about music and I'll sure be checking the music topics for information in the future, but it seems my personality doesn't fit in with everyone here. It's always been like this and altough I thought the amount of postings I've done was definitely an achievement (at least an improvement compared to any other forum I've been to), I really don't want to **** things up here by staying.

There's some really very nice people here I'd love to stay in touch with.
I've got this e-mail address that's full of spam anyway. I'm going to replace that soon, so I don't mind posting it here. If anyone wants to keep in touch and I sure hope this is going to happen, please contact me at stijn@analogaudio.nl.

I'm sorry folks, I've done what I could.

Bit rash to abandon all the friends you have made because two or three people have spoken up about some personality flaws they perceive in you. I wouldn't like to see you leave over this. I suggest you consider a sabbatical.

A sabattical isn't going to change the way people look at me.
I'm sorry but the stuff that has been said really hurt me an awful lot.
It's just unfair to talk that way about someone's handicap. It isn't even neccesary.
I've seen Dirty doing it a couple of days ago, now Freebase and all I see is people understanding what freebase says. Yes I did get some great PM's, but all they say is "don't bother". Almost no one says 'the guy hasn't got a clue what he's on about'.
This sort of gives me the idea that people do see his point, even though he is very, very wrong.
And I am sorry to be all dramatic, but I've really been crying my eyes out reading that ****. It's not like I can just 'get over it'. It's not like this is not going to happen again. Apparently this is the way some people think about me. They're wrong, but I'm not going to be able to change it, or am I?

Listen, I got to get up early tomorrow so I'm going to bed now.
I'll sleep on it for a night and I'll see what I think about this tomorrow.

If I'm very open and honest what I would like is this
1. An apology (not going to happen)
2. People never ever judging me again (not going to happen)

I don't want to loose the people I like either, Pedestrian.
But I am just not so sure who likes me anymore.
I thought Freebase liked me, I thought Dirty liked me.

The second is something you'll have to come to terms with, as everyone else does, I'm afraid. The way one user feels about you is not the be all and end all. If your self esteem relies so heavily on what others think of you, then I'm afraid you will have a very difficult go of things, as it is an impossibility to earn the respect and positive opinions of everyone you meet.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the words said have not been hurtful, but you simply can't allow them to colour your view of every poster here, or your perceptions of yourself.

it doesnt color the view of every poster, but hearing the same thing from two people is really a lot for me.
It's not like I dislike the entire forum, it's just that the pain these words cause me really is too much. Even if only those two people would only talk to me like that, I still wouldn't be able to stand it if it were to happen more often. Also, who are they to judge? The spill your guts topic is about the person on the forum, right? Why are they leaving comments on the way I live my personal life, even though they've never even met me in real life?

Well, I'm sorry to hear you admit defeat so easily. You'll be welcome back if you change your mind.

I doubt anyone seriously dislikes you s_k.
What you need to understand is this is only the internet...not real life.
Dirty and Freebase don't know you no more than you truly now them.

Internet judgements need to be taken with pinch of salt and a thick skin.
Take praise and criticism for what it's worth...nothing.

I for one would be sad to see you go.
Now stop being such a mard arse tosser and stick around long enough to change people's minds if that's what you want.

Personally, I think you'd be better off not caring. People like that.

Even the fact that you've posted your intentions to leave in your own intro thread rather than tackle the issue with another tells me a lot about you.

You're Dutch...relax. :)


@Pedestrian...whoever made you a mod, was a genius.

I think that's a pretty easy question to answer.

You've been here around 6 months and amassed something like 1600 posts and that's excluding lounge posts which seems to be your main habitat. I reckon realistically you've probably made at least 5000 posts in that time, and as Freebase (And not only him I might add) has said , your main topic of conversation seems to be about yourself.

Maybe the reason people are getting personal is because you share so much of your personal life on here. There have been plenty of times when I've read one of your posts and thought to myself after reading it 'Why on earth did he decide to share this , I really don't want to know this.'
In fact sometimes it's difficult to come into any thread at all and manage to avoid you talking about this kind of stuff because you post so frequently.

I find you annoying sometimes. Which is fine, people find me annoying but I certainly don't hate you.
If you do decide to come back (and I hope you do) maybe you should learn to edit your thoughts a bit more and post a bit less, and try to stick to the topics that are being spoken about. You're a very knowledgeable person and you have a lot to offer this place, but having to wade through all the crap to get to it can be really frustrating sometimes.

s_k i responded in the spill your guts thread...but if you take the things me and FBD said that seriously then maybe the internet just isn't for you dude. Seriously nothing said was even that offensive. i dont even care you talk about yourself, i talk about myself alot and don't care who gets annoyed by any of my posts, i just dont understand why you're so upset. its like your level of being upset doesn't match up with what was said

Instead of getting upset that people judge you too harshly think about what they said as them talking about themselves, you know. Don't think they are seeing something in you think of it as they are revealing something about themselves. You know like when Dirty called you an "internet *****" think of it as that's how Dirty thinks of himself - as an "internet *****." You know when people insult you online, you have to stop blaming yourself, you have to stop thinking about those things again and again where they hurt your feelings again.

s_k, sweetie, people are always going to judge you on the internet or your life outside it. But it's how YOU see yourself is what is important, not what others think. Only YOU allow yourself to be bothered by opinions or comments people make so it's about becoming stronger inside and realising you are just as important as anyone else, disability or not.

I feel very strongly towards people with disabilities and I have worked with many of them. I am currently looking for a career path where I can stand up for those who can't speak for themselves and make sure they have all the opportunities and success in life that everyone is allowed to have. You shouldn't be treated any different from anyone else because you have a disability. As far as work goes a lot of employers/employees don't have the money or time to worry about accommodating staff with extra needs/different mental capabilities particularly in rough economic times like these. BUT it will happen, there is always going to be something for you to work for but it's up to you to find it and figure it out.

I personally would like you to stay, but if you time out I understand. :)

People telling me I'm a lazy **** who doesn't want to work is really the very worst thing you can say to me. When it comes to words, it really doesn't get worse, literally. If you don't understand, you're just going to have to take my word for it. The fact that this hurts me so much should explain to you that it's not like I haven't tried. If I were that lazy ****, I'd just go 'yeah, it's great, innit? I don't do **** but I do get paid'. Well I never chose to be like this, I can assure you that.

@ right-track: The Dutch aren't relaxed ;).
And it's impossible for me to be nice to everyone and not care. The reason I am nice is because I care about the people around me.

@ Neapolitan: This is going to sound a bit odd, but I am too autistic (google again :D) to have real insight in what others feel. My cause --> effect system is also lacking. So I wouldn't know if what you say is true. I sure as hell know though that there's a couple of very frustrated people here and I think this definitely has something to do with the way they respond to me. Why else would they bother?

@ Vanilla: I cannot 'select' stuff. It all hits me with the same impact. I haven't got that switch that a lot of people have, to turn off your senses. I can't prevent the stuff I read from touching me as much as I cannot NOT hear music. E.g.; In supermarkets or on the radio. When there's an awful song you really don't like on it, you just don't listen to it. I can't do that. It's a very strange thing to say, but I just can't ignore stuff. It's just not possible for me.
Go figure how bullies in elementary school worked 8-).
"Just ignore them"
Rrrright.
Eitherway, thanks a lot. Really. It's hard to be angry, sad and nice at the same time but I really appreciate what you say.

I'm sort of mixing replies to two topics up, here. But anyway; For those people who say I'm egocentric, and I'm not going to deny that, please google aspergers syndrome. Again, it's not like I can help it.
And for those people who think I should be working; It's virtually impossible here to get a disability benefit. You don't get **** unless you're really in trouble. The benefit itself is about 1300 dollars, so it's not like I'm making it easy on myself with that tiny amount of money. Then, I love to work. I work every ****ing day helping loads and loads of people. I just can't work when someone is telling me exactly what to do and I'm not organized enough to be my own boss. It really is that simple.
You people shouldn't forget that I've been on this earth for 27 years. In 24 of those years I was struggling to get through schools and get jobs, even though I already had my benefit for years. I just gave up finding a job though the regular paths now, it's not like I've always been like this. But there is a moment in which you have to be honest to yourself and admit: I'm not going to make this. Well I am not going to make this.

Autism isn't a handicap. And it saddens me to think that you think that.

Well I like to think it isn't. But in this world, it really is.
It really holds you back so I guess it is a handicap.
And, technically speaking, it is measureable/visible in the brain.
I've been saying for a long time that it's just a character that's so deviant that it has gotten a name. But turns out it isn't.

Also, you need to learn that sometimes you aren't going to get along with people. Everyone will always judge you, autism or not. People judge me every day over heaps of things. People criticise my personality. People don't like me. I'm not going to try and excuse these incidents by saying I have borderline personality disorder. Because disorders are NOT who you are. This is what happens in life. You can't expect everyone to bend over backwards to be kind to you just because you have autism or whatnot. Assimilating into society and separating yourself from the fact that you are on the ASD means understanding this. It is confronting but it's true.

I teach a LOT of autistic kids and most of the time their autism does not hold them back from achieving a fulfilling and happy life. I don't consider it a handicap. If you do, then that's fine, it just saddens me that you think that. Maybe if you didn't define yourself by your autism you wouldn't feel as though it is a handicap holding you back.

s_k, from what I've seen of you on the forums and such, you really do appear to be a good guy. A little overly-concerned with how others see you, but a really good guy, and it would be a shame to see you leave the forums over this. You have been a valuable contributer, in particular in threads having to do with audio and technology, and that's definitely worthwhile on a forum such as this one.

This is, however, the internet, and judgments here are going to be more unfounded than many you'll encounter out in the "real world", because of our significantly more limited knowledge of the people we interact with here on a regular basis. People here aren't able to see anything you put forward, aside from the text you type in and occasional photos and youtube videos. Even if your relatively open about yourself, that's not going to translate even a fraction as much as it would out in the world, because there's a bit more detachment.

Everyone here has been brought together by a passion for music, and most of the people here seem to be sublime individuals. But, again, this is just the internet.

When you speak of your situation, people here have only what you say on the forum to interpret. They don't have you or any particular knowledge of you as a person, aside from what you've put down on the forum. Naturally, they're going to attach this to their own personal experiences in their real lives to fill in the blanks. It's not so much a personal attack on you as a person as it is their judgment based on prior experiences.

For example: I know that in America, jobs are scarce and everyone seems to be struggling to find one. In jobs such as fast food here, also, we have many people with mental disorders or developmental disorders who are able to hold jobs. My friend's girlfriend actually has Asperger's, and she has held a job at a movie theatre for two years, in addition to going to school. I know also people with severe Bipolar disorder and even schizophrenia who have been able to hold jobs. They're not necessarily happy, but here, that's pretty much just the understanding that it's just something which needs to be done. I don't have Asperger's or Autism or anything, and I'm still unhappy doing jobs which aren't in the arts - but I do them anyway. Being happy and feeling at home in a job isn't at all normal, at least not here.

With that said: you don't live in America, so I'd imagine it's probably quite different elsewhere. When you say that, I believe you, but you have to understand that from an American perspective and perhaps other countries as well, what you're saying doesn't make as much sense in our particular job market. We don't know you personally, and none of us live in the Netherlands, so we'd have no real, concrete way of really knowing your precise situation.

Also, what people say honestly doesn't matter that much. The only real issue I've seen lately is that you've felt the need to defend yourself extensively instead of just ignoring it. Again, you explained that you can't just ignore it, and I really do get that.

But yes: you're a good guy, s_k, and a quality poster. No one on here dislikes you, from what I've seen. I think there's just been differences in understanding opinions and the way things are for you. Chin up.

I'm really sorry to break your bubble. But I do know a lot of autistic adolescents and adults and it's an entirely different story there. Most people with autism get into real trouble when they're about 20 and life is asking stuff from them. It's true that kids can be happy and I am glad they can be. But autism really ruins your life. Even if you're as lucky as I consider myself to be.

You know, it really means a lot that you say this.
I really like you an awful lot and I got the idea you were a bit annoyed by me, lately. So I'm glad to read this.

Yeah. We're the AKG Brotha & Sista here ;)

Yes, but even on the internet there should be a limit.
There's a difference between judging someone's behaviour and deciding that someone is a manipulative prick only being nice to people because he expects stuff back. And that he isn't autistic at all or at least not enough to live from a disability benefit (which really is a ****ing tiny amount of money where I live, it's nothing to strive for...
You're going to have to admit that that's just a step too far... At least that's what I think.

I've never really been in this detachment business. I can love people over the internet just as much as people in real life. Obviously knowing someone in real life adds a lot to the sensation, but I care more about some of you than I care about some people in real life. On the other hand, I care a lot more about most people in real life than I care about you. But that also has a lot to do with the fact that I talk to them one on one, a forum is a bit different from that I guess.

And what I put on the internet apparently makes people think the stuff I just posted. Well that's awful. I don't really see why anyone would want to be negative about me anyway. Yes I can understand the 'so nice it's creepy'-thing people seem to think about me, but I mean... where does Freebase even get the idea that he knows enough about me to... **** it, I'm running circles here.

Well yes, obviously...
But... Well, I just read the topic again and there were some others saying 'I understand what freebase says when...'. Well that's about as painful as the Freebase posting itself. I mean, all this time people were apparently thinking the same thing, at least partly, that Freebase thought. Well that's nice to know :(

Same thing here, I guess. It's just that when I feel ****ed I'm not going to be able to do anything productive at my job. I don't feel to 'good' for any job. I've worked at a supermarket, hell I even cleaned beds and portable toilets. I worked with disabled people, I worked at a local radio station...
And I didn't even get paid for the radio station or the work with disabled people. I worked there for free and they still wanted to get rid of me.
How the **** can someone say I didn't try hard enough?
All these things that went wrong in my life have had a disastrous effect on my personality, it made me a pretty harsh and closed person. Until the day my girlfriend left me. That's when it all came back to me, I really made that turnaround that seems to happen to people in their lives at some point. And I got back to being the softie I am now. And I'm glad to be back. But I'm not going to let this society **** me up again. Unless someone offers me a job in a secure environment where there is time and space to take me and my personality into account, I won't even bother trying because I know it's just going to kill me. In the mean time I work very, very hard (for free) for all the people around me. Trying to do for them whatever I can.

But hey, you know, that doesn't matter because, as Freebase pointed out, I'm only doing this because of how it reflects on me. So in the end it doesn't matter what I do for others, as it isn't 'for real' anyway. Very nice...

I dunno Sara. I'm sure there's something I can say to you, being about theatre or whatever, that really makes you so angry that you cannot help yourself. I mean, I've never been very good at ignoring what's said. I'm very open (again) so people can get very close. I see this as a good thing, but it's not always easy. Calling me lazy, denying my autism, is really the worst thing you can do to me I guess. I mean, when it comes to criticizing me. There's obviously worse things to do.

Freebase dislikes me. Or at least he does now.
Have you seen his other replies in that topic? Come on, please.

Well he can kiss my ass for now.
I'm not leaving yet.
I am very disappointed in the persons that even slightly agree with freebase.
They're very wrong, very stupid and they really should be ashamed about themselves. But that's really all for now.

We'll see.

I still disagree, I'm sorry. I know plenty of autistic people who are over 20. A lot of past students of our school come and volunteer and they're all well above 20 years of age. I can safely say that 100% of them are happy and in situations where they have a job, can make a living, and lead a pretty 'normal' life. When I studied my degree in disability I majored in ASD (I do not have autism, so I by no means no what it is like to live with it, but this means that I have come in contact with A LOT of people who live with it and am aware of the brain mechanics of it) and the number one thing we learnt is how important it is that these individuals assimilate into society and build up a successful life for themselves. If you haven't managed to do this and you think that your autism has "ruined your life" then it actually breaks my heart and I think you should seek out some help services that will allow you to do so. Because autism by no means "ruins lives." Yes, being on the spectrum may mean that life is often challenging and things may be a little more difficult. Yes, it means that sometimes people may judge you and conflicts may arise. But no, I certainly do not believe that autism will "ruin your life," and of the many austistic adults I know, I don't think any of them would say that autism has ruined their life, most of them are employed, some have partners and children, all of them are very happy with the life they have forged for themselves. So I hope that one day you can seek help and I wish you luck in living a successful and happy life that is not "ruined" by autism, because noone on the autism spectrum should have to feel that it has ruined their life :(

Short reply, going to bed now;
You live in a 'successful' world where you meet autists.
I live in the less 'successful' part of that world. So I see the people who don't make it with their autism. And altough I think you can build up a proper life despite of autism, I can assure you that the people who don't make it, can't make it because of their autism.
I think it's an awful thing. Especially when your autism doesn't show that much.
People just expect so much more from you than you can deliver.

Maybe the help services available for people living with autism where I live are more successful. Maybe our education system is better. I don't know. I honestly thought The Netherlands would be way ahead of us in terms of special education. But I really do hope that you can one day seek out some help services to help you achieve a life that is not "ruined" by ASD. Judging you purely on your posts from this forum, you seem like a very intelligent, kind, and friendly guy who I think I would like very much in real life and who I think is capable of many interesting and useful things. Of course I don't know you in real life, but I get autistic kids who wet their pants until they're 18 years of age and who can't talk (non-verbal) until they reach their mid-twenties or even thirties. Even they have managed to find their place in society. I'm not being idealistic, because I do see cases of individuals with autism who DO struggle. But it still saddens me to think that you believe it has ruined your life. Anyway, mostly it is none of my business, as you're not one of my students, but I do wish you luck in everything.

SK - just when you got interesting about what makes you tick musically, you went quite and stopped posting!

Seriously get your **** together and just pop in the lounge once in a while. It is so easy to get bogged down in that area of the forum but it exists on MB and it is both a help and a distraction for many on here.

I have heard far far worse things said to others on here within a personal context but as others have said before me- they don't really know you personally so don't let it bother you.

Hold back a little on personal stuff on a public forum because you are putting it all out there and people will always judge others whether merited or not.

The best advice I can honestly give you? Grow a pair and don't strive to gain acceptance. Just be yourself. The only person who has to answer to them self is you.

Don't look at it emotionally. Look at it logically. Sometimes it isn't all your fault.

You have to learn other people have issues and challenges too. You admit you have ASC. You have to learn other people have issues too, like angry people have anger issues. Don't be upset and don't blame yourself all the time.

I think we're pretty good, it's definitely not the schools or the psychical treatment that's not good. It's just that no boss feels the urge to hire someone who needs some extra 'attention'. They rather choose the path of least resistance...

You may find this hard to believe, but I know a lot, a lot of autists and they all keep running into brick walls of misunderstanding and failure. I am actually one of the most happy autists I know. The others are all fed up with life, sometimes suicidal, don't get out of bed. Yes some of them do have jobs, but they don't have a life anymore. It's awful to look at. I am pretty satisfied with what I've achieved so far and I don't mind that these achievements are not on paper and not on my paycheck.

I like to think I am. I get told I am. I can't really say for myself.
But thanks. I sure wish you lived in the same country as I do :).
Right, now I'm going to tell you something that's going to sound ridiculous, but this is the way I see it, from experience. I think you can better be someone who's obviously autistic or has down syndrome or something like that, than 'seem' normal. Aspergers is probably the worst form of autism for the person who has to live with it. You seem normal, but you keep having problems that don't seem to match with your level of intelligence. I'm not the prototype mathematical autist, if you know what I mean. So I'm not on autism forums myself. My ex-girlfriend is and the stories you hear are gruesome. Really nice and intelligent people get locked up in mental facilities because they just go bezerk. These people have finished high school in the highest level (it works a bit different here, I guess) and are very capable to have a good conversation, but they keep running into problems because, since they come over pretty normal, people expect more from them than they can deliver.
If you drool and pee, people don't expect anything from you and people are confronted with your disability all the time. In my case, people don't get confronted with my disability until it's too late, and that's the whole problem. I cannot imagine this is not the case where you live. Yes the 'classic' autists get all the help they need, but the 'not so obvious' ones have to struggle through live themselves.
There isn't even a real program here for adult autists. Just for kids. And I know from what I've read that this is a world wide issue.. It seems that when you've turned 18, people think "He got so far, He'll manage". But life only gets started by then...

Well I've got my life back on track, completely. Being able to function quite normally in an environment I shape myself. It's a pity though that there's still people who think I'm making stuff up. It's a vicious circle. If I do what's life expects from me, I get in trouble. If I do what I can do, people will call me lazy. It's been like that forever.

Ask anything if you feel like it. That's allright.
You're not going to make me agree with you, I've been doing this business for a while now :D. But if you have any questions, even if only for your own education, feel free to ask. I really don't mind.

I'd like to add; This is a lot of text and I really had to try hard to write in English and keep my thoughts together. I may seem a bit harsh about the down syndrome people/classic autist people but I really don't mean to be.
I've worked with them myself for three before I got fired for no reason (with those awful words: We have more work on you than we have on the people with down syndrome... Yeah, great man).
These are strange things you know, everyone I worked with blocked me, they turn their heads away when I meet them and the one girl I am still in contact with says the stuff they say about me is too awful to be true. I'm treated like a criminal but I have no idea what I've done wrong.
I think it's pretty logical that I'm not looking for a 'regular' job right now. These things really destroy you. By the way, the 'reintegration facility' we have here for people who can't get a job the 'normal way' told me they couldn't help me. I am, and I've got this on paper 'unemployable'.

Still here...

Yeah that's kind of my plan.
Sort of tough as there's so much people I really like a lot.
I'd love to hear more about their lives. But apparently I should be less open about myself, which I can't. It's always one or the other with me. There's no 'middle'.

Why do they bother writing it down then?
Point is, this is the only thing you can get me with, because I've heard it so much in real life it has become something I fight against. It's hard to ignore.

I know you're right. But I can't. So I think I should just turn to the music sections.

When I look around me and see how lonely most people are, I really do strive to gain acceptance. This is easy in real life as I'm very well capable of keeping 'good' and 'bad' people or groups apart. It's just that this isn't possible on a forum. And it definitely wouldn't be the first time I left a forum because of one or two persons getting on my nerves.
I mean, I could say you're right. But say I can't just NOT feel sad about the stuff that is said. Then what should I do? I mean, even if I don't respond to it it hurts me just the same.

Well, to be honest. None of this is my fault ;).
It's not like I asked to be born with autism.

It's a bit double. I cannot blame myself, but I cannot deny that the problem lies within me.

Sounds like someone needs a hug no? What are you talking about Sk everyone here likes you as far as I can tell. Dont jump to conclusions and get all butt hurt over nothing. I see you havent left so maybe you have resovled the issue by now. Anyway I hope you stick around I give you a lot of **** about your smiley usage but your just a smiley ****er I guess...hang in there :D

Hahaha, you sort of missed the whole issue, mate.
But thanks eitherway ;).
You might want to read it all over (check this topic and the spill your guts topic) but if you don't mind, the issue has been solved by now so... It's cool.

Oh well nevermind then man no worries...everythings good and smileyful then.

Believe me, I didn't use many smileys the last couple of days.

Welcome to musicbanter!!!

Whahaha, the sarcasm is killing me :D