Music Banter - Marilyn Manson's Guide to G@yness

So, I've got this Manson book that I've had for ages and I just remembered about this bit. He has a big list of things that he says "If you meet any of the qualifications below, you are g@y." So here goes (there's 39 of them)

1. If you get someone else's sperm on you.

2.If you've ever owned a Smiths album.

3.If you get hard while sucking another guy's d!ck. If you don't, you're straight - unless he gets sperm on you.

4.If Michael Stipe is in the room and you're having sex with a woman, you're bisexual.

5.If you're at a g@y bar, you're not g@y. But if you're at a straight bar and you talk to another guy longer than you talk to a girl, you're g@y.

6.If you tap your feet to a Smiths song.

7.If you discuss art for more than 45 minutes.

8.If you've ever worn a beret.

9.If you kiss a guy and he has a hard on, you're not g@y unless you have a hard on too.

10.If you have any kind of sex - with a male of female - to the Smiths, you're g@y.

11.If your only purpose in life is to get girls pregnant so they can have more girls to have lebian sex together.

12.If you jack off and you get *** on yourself.

13.If you get a boner watching Gilligan's Island.

14.If you don't get a boner watching Bewitched.

15.If there's a Smiths song on in a bar and you're in the bathroom with your d!ck in your hands.

16.If your name is Richard and you go by D!ck.

17.If you're friends with anyone named D!ck.

18.If you don't cheat on your wife, you're only using her as a prop to make people think you're not g@y.

19.If you're friends with a model.

20.If you fu*k a girl who likes the Smiths.

21.If you don't eat meat because the Smiths "Meat is Murder" album had an impact on your life.

22. If you do anything "spiritual"

23.If you fu*k a pregnant woman and she's carrying a boy, you're g@y. If you get sperm on the amnoitic sac, the baby will grow up to be g@y too.

24.If you've ever had a haircut like Morrissey.

25.If you've ever had a haircut while a Morrissey or Smiths album were playing in the room.

26.If you've ever talked about or owned a crystal - especially if it's crystal meth.

27.If you've ever put band aids on your nipples as a fashion statement.

28.If you've ever spent more than a week on south beach.

29.If you're not thinking about tits right now.

30.If you still liked Judas Priest after you heard the rumour that Rob Halford was g@y.

31.If you get a hard on while taking a sh!t.

32.If you know what sperm tastes like (especially if it's your own).

33.If you kiss a girl with tongue after she's swallowed your ***.

34.If you get hard while reading this.

35.If you know the names of anyone who's ever been in the Smiths besides Morrissey and Johnny Marr.

36.If you're a male model.

37.If you get choked up listening to "Boys don't cry" by the Cure.

38.If you're a clothing designer.

39.If your first, last, middle or only name is Morrissey.