Originally Posted by MURDER JUNKIE

My niece (who is 2) woke up from her nap and came running outside because her mom had told her that Uncle Nate was there. Myself being the role model that I am, I was kicking back and enjoying my 10th beer of the day. She comes ripping across the yard with arms wide open to give her Uncle Nate a huge hug, I scoop her up mid-sprint into my arms and the momentum forces both of her feet travelling at about 200 mph right into MY F*CKING BALLS!!!

I have never been in so much pain in my life, they are a hideous shade of purple and have an agonizing dull ache.

No wonder I don't have kids

Originally Posted by Merkaba

:laughing:

You don't have kids because your seed factory just got BALLdozed.

Originally Posted by MURDER JUNKIE

So here is another glimpse into my misery:

I was relaxing at my parent's trailer park (yes, I'm trailer trash) this weekend just kicking it happy to be out of the city, and I am downing copious amounts of brewski. My wife makes the fatal mistake of telling my over-bearing step mother about my fainting episode in Mexico, I don't know if I will ever forgive her. Within mere seconds she runs over to my aunt's trailer, so she can tell my all the intimate details of her heart problems that she has been having for the past couple of weeks. This conversation absorbs approximately 1 hour of my relaxing and drinking time.

Next my wife, my aunt, and my step mother take the dogs for a walk around the trailer park stoppping at no less than 8 trailers to get other people (that I do not know) to diagnose my situation. When they return, they give my the rundown on all the trailer people's EXPERT diagnosis. This absorbs approximately 45 minutes of my relaxing and drinking time.

This process continued for the majority of the day and seriously hampered what otherwise could have been a pretty successful piss up. My step mother phoned me no less than 5 more times this weekend to share other trailer folk's EXPERT diagnosis with me. The BEST happened this morning just as I was getting ready to go to bed, my stepmother phoned again to tell me that she had made an appointment with MY family doctor on my behalf for this Thursday. I was F*CKING LIVID!!!!

So, just to appease her and to prevent any more phone calls I will be going to this appointment. All of you will be invited to the funeral, as I'm sure my step mother has made all arrangements this week.

All a brutha wants to do is drink some brewski and relax, leave a brutha alone!!!