Dear Ms. Dumb Bitch Blocking My Way,

I would like to thank you for stopping your shopping cart in the aisle, right next to a stocking cart that had been left there by an employee. I mean, it would be understandable had you done this for five seconds while picking something off of a shelf, or if you just didn't see anyone around you, but it takes a special kind of cunt to just stand there, blocking my way, when I am clearly right in front of you. I also very much appreciate it that you pretended not to notice me when I tried to move the stocking cart, so that I could get by, and continued to stand there with your thumb up your ass. And the employee who grabbed the stocking cart when he saw what was going on was an asshole. How dare he show basic courtesy.

I hope your children drown in a toilet,

The Batlord


Dear Stupid, Old People Who Were Also Blocking My Way,

Granted, I was behind you, but it was still magical how you decided to stop right next to someone else, completely blocking the aisle for a good thirty seconds. Now, I don't know who stopped next to who first, but you're all a bunch of delightful fuckwads who will thankfully not be on this earth for much longer, allowing me to shop in peace.

Here's hoping your relatives pull the plug sooner rather than later,

The Batlord


Dear Poor Person Who Can't Read a Coupon,

So, regardless of whether you all want to admit it, the most irritating sight in a store line is someone who is clearly on the lower end of the economic spectrum, holding a coupon. I don't know if they are feigning ignorance in the hopes that the cashier will just give in and let them use a "buy 2 get 1 free Kraft macaroni and cheese" coupon when only buying two of them, or if their lack of education leaves their reading comprehension level with something to be desired, but what I do know, is that I want you dead. Dead dead. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just die. Painfully. Hopefully I will be able to watch. And if not, someone please film it.

Yours in withering contempt,

The Batlord

You sound like you're fun at parties.

You forgot to mention the nimrods who shop via proxy with their wife on the cell phone.

Dude stands zombie like in the middle of the aisle staring at the salad dressings with a cell phone to his ear?

"What kind?"?"
"You want low fat?"
"Huh?"
"Oh"
"Which brand do you want?"
"Well, the Wishbone is cheaper but the Newman's bottle looks bigger"
"What?"
"Oh"
"13.5 oz and 16 oz"
"39 cents"
"More expensive"
"The Newman's"
"Ok"

Wash, rinse, repeat throughout the store.

Luckily I never saw such a pussy-whipped sadsack. Only inconsiderate morons.

You obviously have never gone back to a woman who makes you either go back and get the right f*cking salad dressing or makes you disappointed in how you function as a human being.

Keep having terrifying and violent dreams, waking up in panic mode and just feeling ****ty and anxious all day because of them.

Kinda salty aren't cha Batlord

i am getting increasingly sure i'm going to be fired from my job soon. i got sent home sunday for falling asleep on the job. what sucks is i am actually making an effort now cause i need the job for the moment, but i consistently stay ****ing up. i was trying my hardest to stay awake but something about that day and the tedious task they put me on killed me, so that no matter how much coffee i drank it wasn't enough.

my boss wants to keep me on but the sucky thing is he's gonna be leaving soon, and the guy who's gonna be the new boss already said he would've fired me. i messed myself up with him cause me and my friend were talking **** about him and he over heard us.

basically there is this chick he flirts with who works there, and my friend was telling me how he knew someone who worked there previously who got on this guy's **** list cause the guy thought he was after this chick. so we were working next to her and she needed help with something. we started to help her and then he rushed over to help her instead.

then we were laughing about it and i said something along the lines of "it's sad he has to guard a chick like that.." and he heard me i guess. but it is sad cause the guy is married and that chick is just some on-the-side fling anyway. plus she's alright but she's not even all that.

also there are some other things i've said to him previously that rubbed him the wrong way. anyway the moral of the story is i'm pretty much ****ed, already looking for new jobs atm cause i can't afford to miss a paycheck. i'll be happy if i don't get fired first thing on friday when i show up.

You fell asleep at work? Damn. Yeah, you should be fired.

Yup.