I Need Therapy
 

I've been trying to deal with this by myself for the past half year but absolutely can't anymore, and paying to see a shrink is a no-no, so I thought I could turn to you guys since some of you actually have some wisdom somewhere in ya : P

So here it is:

Ex girlfriend troubles. Last year we met and it was wonderful, we hit it right away. She lived, and still lives, right in front of my house, so it was convenient at the time (obviously terrible presently).

We dated for a few months until a bunch of little things happened at once: She was three years younger than me which means we didn't share the same friends, she couldn't go out drinking, she didn't have a job so we couldn't really go out anywhere too often, so all we did was stay inside and... ... well, do it all the time.

It was awesome for a while but then became boring, fast, because that's all we did, everday, everytime we saw each-other. So I broke it off, just dumped her, made her feel like **** because she loved the hell out of me. I was stressed with money, with school, I didn't feel like we were going anywhere - I broke it off. She fought for our relationship for a week before she said **** it.

We're on speaking terms now (meaning she doesn't hate my guts but we don't ever talk), but she also has a boyfriend now, whom apparently she loves, so I really can't touch that.

I took a year off school just when the recession really hit so I don't really work, don't go to school, don't have money to do squat - I'm inside all day and all I think about is her, and how I destroyed her. I try to think about all the reasons why I broke up with her, how it isn't about the sex or anything else... but her attitude, her fantastic personality is what I miss. The personality I kinda killed.

Also, just when I think I'm close to getting over it, I realize she lives right in front of my house and I see that house every day... when I leave for something and return from it. I'm tortured by that fking house. But I can't move. I also see her boyfriend go in and out and I try not to think about it but I do.

I've tried everything: keeping busy, not hanging out with her sister (which I used to do and she still considers me a very good friend), trying to focus my energy on my family and... feck, my GIRLFRIEND now.

But for some reason I keep thinking back to who I was with her, and how she was with me, and how she was waaaay beyond my league and still accepted me. Oh, and she was my first time. And now she's so much better. She looks hotter, has a job, and what really sets me off is that her birthday was yesterday, the 11th.

I can't sleep, she's in my dreams - I can't fking live like this. I'm afraid of messing things up with my gf now because I can't get over my last one.

Usually I would accept sarcasm and laugh with it and such, but if you really don't have anything to say, please dont. I'd rather see this thread die without any posts than see a bunch of smartass comments. I DO accept harsh criticism, though, so lay it out on me.

I don't know guys... I'm at the end of the road. :confused:

Just one question first, are you with a new girl on top of everything else?

Ah dont worry my friend. We have all been in some airtight situations and time is all it takes. May hurt and be uncomfortable now but will get more bearable and then go away.

So don't worry, its normal.

I know it's easy to say (and cliche) but the grass is always greener on the other side. If you and the ex-girlfriend are two different people now than you were when you dated before - if there's been maturity and some drastic way that you both feel about each other then I would say go for it! Win her back and don't give up! But if there hasn't been that maturity on both sides then chances are if you two did get back together it would be the same result. It would feel great to begin with but probably would end about the same way and you two would just hurt each other again. If the new girl isn't distracting you in any way from the last girl then I would say it's safe to say that you will probably end up hurting her too if you can't give up the idea that you and the ex are going to get back together.
Whatever you decide just remember what it seems like you learned from the first experience, that it's not just about you and the actions you take effect the feelings and actions of other people.

What age was your ex when you were with her?

Think of all the sh*t that happens everywhere else and how meaningless it is complain about it. I am not condemning your post, but there are so many more things you could complain about and it's easiest to just take a step back and say: who cares?

It's just a girl, there are so many opportunities and things will get better when you move out.

Just consider it as extra down time with pam and her five sisters ;) Seriously-you learn from your mistakes. Just put it down to experience. You are only a young guy and shouldn't let it cloud your everyday life. I know that's easy to say but time is a healer mate.

Yeah, I'm with someone new now. I'm with her because I genuinely wanted to get together with her when we met, and I also thought about how it would help me not think about my ex because I have someone new. The thing is that my current gf is away in school and I haven't seen her in a month, giving me plenty of time to think about my ex gf.

Thank god you're saying that, man. I like to think about time making it easier, though it's been half a year now, which probably doesn't mean much.

That's the reason why i I couldn't go for it and fight for it again. First because I basically disowned her, so imagine me saying "well... kinda wanna get back together now..." and second, i'd be doing the same thing I did to my ex gf to my current gf. If i get back together with my ex gf then my current gf has to go, and then I'd be back in square one. I like to think she has matured... i mean its been a year now. Thing is she's always been mature, just not old enough to do anything in this goddamn city.

I was 19, she was 16.

I used to think about stoicism whenever i had problems. I love that you're giving me that advice, because that's how i used to like to think about it. Why mope about a girl that no longer hates me when I HAVE a girlfriend now AND there are people who don't have a roof over their heads, dead parents, and a million other things. It's because of my guilty conscience, and pride. I don't want her to always think i'm the ******* who dumped her and that im still that guy. but maybe it's best to let that go.

I'm glad you guys have taken the time to read the post. It gets easier when I hear people's inputs.

How old are you now?

I would just go tell her that then..? Or text her saying that you really regret dumping her and tell her you are happy for her. -And I thought it was self-pity at first, but if your goal is to make things right, good luck to ya.